Missing scenes season 3 Star Trek VOY
by Kurbits
Summary: These are Tom/B'Elanna centred missing scenes for the third season of Star Trek Voyager.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Basics pt 2_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Janeway never dealt with the actual mutiny in _Resolutions_ on screen, so I'm giving her the opportunity to reflect on that. I'm still assuming Tom was XO in that episode and I'm letting Tuvok show he's not as wooden as the Trek writers sometimes made him out to be. The XO referred to here is of course then sub-commander T'Pol who dealt with the same open challenge to her authority.

* * *

><p>"Our resident hero," B'Elanna glanced to her left, "managed to blow up a wide range of relays and fuses and some wiring needs to be replaced as well. It's not critical but it takes a lot of time to go over it all and conduct the repairs," B'Elanna reported, sitting comfortably relaxed in the briefing room chair she currently occupied.<p>

"Does it interfere with our capability to defend ourselves?" the captain asked.

"No. Those systems are all up an running and we've already conducted the repairs needed on those. They are fully operational," B'Elanna replied. "Life support and weapons were our top priorities, the rest is coming along nicely but we're looking at a couple of weeks work to finish all the repairs necessary."

"Good," Janeway said with emphasis letting a small hint of a smile cross her face. She turned to look at Neelix. "How is crew morale coming along?" she asked and the smile was leaking in to her voice.

"There's nothing like coming home," Neelix said. "People are settling in nicely and are spending a lot of time in the mess hall, with each other. And they're eating! I'm certainly busy in the galley!" he continued enthusiastically.

"I can imagine. Even Starfleet ration packs would have put a smile on my face a few days ago," Janeway said and now she couldn't keep her smile from growing. She turned to the screen where the Doctor could be seen but before she could ask any questions he begun reporting.

"Despite the ordeal, the crew is generally in good health. A few cuts and bruises, but you weren't on that planet long enough to suffer any lasting malnutrition. I'm happy to report that ensign Wildman's baby also is doing well," he said and looked pleased.

"Very good." The captain turned to look at the people sitting at the table. "I'm taking this opportunity to tell you that I think you all have done well. You worked well together, inspired the rest of the crew and each one of you showed competence in a difficult and dangerous situation. I am proud of you." The familiar faces around the table begun smiling as they looked around at each other.

"Thank you captain," Tuvok said in a less formidable manner than usual, apparently not unaffected by her praise. "I think I speak for everyone when I say that we were fortunate to have you as a captain in such difficult times." Everyone's eyes had turned to look at her, some nodded in agreement and their smiles grew.

"Thank you," she replied warmly. After a short pause she continued. "We still have one important thing to deal with before we can lay this to rest. We lost two members of our crew and we need to commemorate them the way they deserve." Janeway started to turn towards Tuvok.

"Captain," the EMH cut in and the captain looked down at the screen. "If you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if we could hold the memorial service on one of the holodecks. I would very much like to attend."

Janeway looked a bit surprised but nodded. She quickly glanced at Tuvok and then turned back to the Doctor. "I was going to ask Tuvok to speak at the service for crewman Suder, but it occurred to me that you might have something to say," she said. If the Doctor wanted to take part in a service it would be wise to involve him in it as well she decided. He had after all been part of Suder's last difficult days.

"I'd be honoured, captain," the doctor replied looking a bit taken aback but clearly touched.

Janeway turned to look at Tuvok. "Unless you have any objections?" she asked her Vulcan security officer, for formality's sake.

Tuvok met her eyes calmly. "I have not," was his reply and his voice didn't reveal any displeasure. "May I suggest that lieutenant Torres makes the speech for ensign Hogan," he said evenly and glanced at B'Elanna.

The captain looked at B'Elanna with the unspoken question in her eyes. She sat up straight and looked over at Tuvok with apparent surprise. "Of course," B'Elanna said quickly.

"Very well," Janeway said and looked down at the screen. "Doctor, since we will be on the holodeck, I would like you to work with lieutenant Torres to create a suitable framing for the event. I suggest we'll hold the ceremony in three days, at 18.00 hours." The Doctor nodded and Janeway turned to B'Elanna who did the same. "Good. If there's nothing else?" She paused for a moment and let her eyes sweep over the gathered officers. "You are dismissed," she continued.

People started moving and getting out of their chairs to leave and in the corner of her eye she noticed the silent exchange between her chief engineer and flight controller when they rose from their chairs. As they headed out of the room they started a quiet discussion which ensign Kim joined when he caught up with them. Well, she thought, if B'Elanna needed support when writing her speech, she certainly had friends to turn to.

Janeway had been slightly surprised by Tuvok's suggestion but when she thought about it, it made sense. B'Elanna had been the closest of the officers present to ensign Hogan and also his superior. She was young, but she was a department head and as such it was only natural that she should take on the responsibility to hold a memorial speech. Especially for a friend.

She had realised it was definitely time to groom the younger officers for command. It had become blatantly clear, when she had been forced to hand over command to Tuvok, that the younger officers needed to learn how to handle more responsibility and respect for the chain of command. She had authority and so had Chakotay, but Tuvok had ended up in a difficult situation. People hadn't been prepared for the possibility of him taking over command on a permanent basis, not something unheard of. Vulcans had throughout history had difficulties with human crews ever since the first regular Vulcan XO had been forced to assume command on the very first human mission in the 22nd century. They all needed to learn to respect the chain of command and to deal with swift changes in responsibilities and above all, they all needed to learn to support each other. Not one of the officers left aboard had lent Tuvok support. Paris might not have openly opposed Tuvok but he hadn't stepped up as _Tuvok's_ second in command. He had taken on the practical work of an XO, but not the role as adviser. Tuvok had certainly not made that part easy for Paris since he had a tendency to lean heavily on his logic for his decision making, not taking in to account that he might need input on the effects of his decisions on his emotional crew. Tuvok and Paris would have to learn to work closer together and the art of listening to each other. The other officers further down in the command chain also needed more training of actual command, the sooner the better.

She rose from her chair and headed for her ready room to start planning. As she passed Chakotay on the bridge she turned her head and looked at him.

"Chakotay, I need to speak with you," she said and continued through the bridge. "Tuvok, you're in command," she continued as she arrived at the ready room, now with Chakotay close behind. Inside the ready room she went over to the replicator and ordered a cup of coffee. Chakotay had stopped in the middle of the room as he had a tendency to do.

"Would you like anything?" she asked but he shook his head. "Please, sit," she motioned towards the couch as she picked up her cup to join him. She sat down and let a small sigh escape her before looking up at her first officer with a smile.

"I need your counsel," she simply said.

Chakotay smiled back. "I'll do my best," he replied.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Flashback_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Tom is whining. Harry doesn't understand. Keep in mind that the Sailing on Lake Como suggestion isn't happening for another 1½ months, Voyager time.

* * *

><p>"What happened down on Hanon IV anyway?" Tom asked and sat down on the couch.<p>

Harry shrugged. "A lot – and nothing," he replied. "We struggled a lot, but it was the struggle for survival. It was very important as long as we were there, but here back on Voyager it gets pretty tedious to recapture it." He took a mouthful from the bottle and looked at it as he swallowed. "And this is supposed to be good?" he asked.

Tom sighed. "Yeah, it's supposed to taste well. It has character without any flavours being too dominant, yet it's not bland or too balanced. Think of it as a really good band," he tried to explain. Harry glanced at him with disbelief. "You know, when you have a bunch of musicians that play well together. It swings. This is swinging." He held up his bottle while wiggling it slightly.

Harry chuckled. "I don't know about that." He took another mouthful and tried to analyse the beverage before swallowing it. "It's better than wine," he concluded, a comment which brought out a groan from Tom.

"It's like comparing apples and oranges!" he exclaimed.

"Well yeah, I can taste the difference," Harry pointed out.

"You're supposed to compare wines with wines and beer with beer, not compare beer with wines. This is a typical Bavarian beer, full in taste yet it has finesse. If we were to compare it with... ," Tom paused and waved his hand in the air, "Let's make it really simple. Mexican beers. You could hardly think they're both beers when you try them side by side. The difference is that great. The colour, the flavours, the way it's served, everything is different."

Harry rolled his eyes. "It's beer. It's got alcohol in it. That's primarily why humans started making it."

"True, but that doesn't mean you can't make it taste well," Tom said pointedly. "Personally I prefer pleasant tastes." He had some of his beer before continuing. "So you had to survive, I get that, but something must have happened. Did you gossip behind my back or something?" Tom asked changing subject.

Harry turned his head and eyed his friend. "I don't know what I could have gossiped about. I mean, it's not like a lot of exciting things happen here either. As far as I know Nicoletti is still avoiding you, right?"

"Yeah, she is." Tom sighed. "And quite frankly I don't care much either. It'd be fun to get to know her, but she doesn't strike me as my kind of girl."

"I thought you told me you had a talent for impossible women?" Harry said with a smile.

Tom threw him a dismissive look. "Susan Nicoletti isn't impossible. Being uninterested in a date with me doesn't make her impossible. It just makes her uninterested in a date with _me_. Impossible is already taken, your direct superior, your father's assistant, that sort of thing," he explained. Harry tried not to snort but was only partially successful. "What?" Tom demanded.

"No, nothing," he replied but couldn't hide his amusement.

"I'll have to live with abducting the captain for the rest of my _life_," Tom complained.

"She is impossible according to your standards, yet you did whisk her away and you even had children with her. You have a funny definition of impossible, Paris," Harry said. "What makes you think I have gossipped about you anyway?" he asked.

"I didn't really think you actually had gossiped. I was just wondering because... well, the atmosphere had changed somewhat when you came back aboard," Tom said and took a sip on his beer.

"The atmosphere?" Harry raised his eyebrows. "Can you stop being cryptic, please?" Tom sighed deeply and Harry leaned his head back and almost sighed too. Now _that_ was something he was beginning to recognise. "B'Elanna," he said straight out in to the room and turned his head back to look at his friend. "I'm going to start calling her your kind of impossible, because she's soon turning in to it. And no, I didn't gossip about you with her." Harry paused and turned to look straight ahead. "I yanked her chain though, but I didn't think it'd have any lasting effects," he explained.

"You did what?" Tom ejaculated and looked at Harry.

"She was freezing. You know how Klingons can't take cold and she was having difficulties one evening after sunset when we were heading back to camp. I started prodding her, telling her she cared a lot more about you than she wanted to admit, pushing her about it until she got quite irritated with me. It worked and she escaped hypothermia." Harry shrugged. "I mean, I figured what I said is kind of true, but I thought she'd just take it as me saying it to rile her up."

"Oh man! Harry, she's not talking to me!" Tom exclaimed.

Harry turned and gave him a raised eyebrow. "Tom, that's not true. I know you're talking."

Tom turned his head and met his eyes. "Yes, we talk about work, that speech she held on the memorial service, the command training. But we don't _talk_."

"Well, I guess I must have been very close to truth then," Harry said.

"What did she say?" Tom asked.

"She pretty much said I was wrong," Harry replied.

"Of course she did. So why did she take it the way she did? If it was just a case of denying it?" Tom wondered.

Harry closed his eyes and dug in his memory. The jacket. The tell tell sign. He opened his eyes. "I told her only she knew just how important you are to her but that it's there for everyone to see," he said hesitatingly.

Tom glared at him. "Well, no wonder she's keeping me at arm's length. You know how private she is," he said sourly.

"But I hit a sore spot," Harry said sounding positive.

Tom sighed. "And in what way is that doing me any good?" he asked.

"Are you being extraordinarily stupid lately?" Harry asked.

Tom again glared at his friend. "No, not that I have noticed," he replied with a clipped tone.

"Think about it. I was right. Ms. Private could just as well put up a poster in the mess hall that she fancies Mr. Flyboy," Harry explained with amusement.

Tom chuckled involuntarily at the mental image and shook his head. For a brief moment he let himself actually think about it, what he really thought about it and then he banished it from his mind. There had been plenty of moments lately when he had involuntarily been faced with his own emotions and they were distracting. 'Unsettling, making him unsure', to use the words the EMH had used when he had been coaxing the story about Denara out of him.

"You should ask her out," Harry suggested.

Tom closed his eyes and had a mouthful beer. "Nope. Not gonna happen," he said firmly.

"Why?" Harry asked and looked over at Tom with surprise.

"Because," was the only answer Tom offered.

"That's not an answer." Harry was clearly irritated.

"It was too." Tom kept his eyes shut.

Harry sighed and forced down more of the beer in his hand. He simply didn't understand Tom. "Here's this girl, this very pretty girl, who you get along with well and who obviously like you a lot, and you're just going to throw it away? After all that 'people are going to start pairing off soon and we need to start looking' and dating, you're not even going to consider her?" he asked.

Tom still didn't open his eyes. "It's not that simple, Harry. I wish I could say more about it, but can't."

"I say you're a coward. This really means something, doesn't it? That's why you're acting this way." Harry shook his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tom said coolly.

"I think it's not just B'Elanna who could put up a poster in the mess hall," Harry muttered. "Okay, I give up. For now." He downed the rest of the beer.

"Good," Tom replied with emphasis and opened his eyes.

"I'll head back to my place. I have a few things to go over before it's time for bed." Harry stood and looked down at his friend. "Catch you tomorrow," he said and walked towards the door.

"See you," Tom said after him and emptied the bottle as the door closed behind Harry. He put it on his table and leaned his elbows on his knees, rubbing his face with his hands. Harry wasn't going to let this one slip, Tom knew that. "Damn," he cursed with a mild voice and sighed. He rose and picked up the bottles to dispose of them as he headed for the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _The Chute_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. I'm lifting focus completely from the two musketeers in peril to dive deep in to B'Elanna's mind. Her mind is complicated to get a grip of when you start breaking things down. She's young, but too young to understand that it plays a part in everything, and her biological situation is unclear, which makes all of what I have written basically educated guesswork. Before starting to write this season I was debating with myself what rating I should give these instalments, but I have decided to try and work within the T-rating (though I don't fully grasp the system, something I blame my cultural background for which is very non-Anglo-Saxon). It's the effects her struggles have which are important, not graphical and explicit details. I leave those to the reader.

* * *

><p>For the third time during this shift she managed to injure herself. It was nothing which in her mind required any medical attention, but it didn't do anything for her already foul mood. She lifted her hand to look at it.<p>

"Great," she said under her breath and wiped the wound. Klingon DNA or not, if she didn't clean it up and put on a plaster it would become infected. Despite popular opinion she wasn't immune to such things. She decided to finish her job first though and reached for the ODN recoupler.

Her mind wasn't on her work, she knew that. These were repairs she didn't have to conduct, but walking engineering like a caged tiger making her people nervous was her only other option. It was better to keep herself busy, she figured. They had been waiting and waiting for word about what had happened to Tom and Harry - in vain by the look of things – and patient waiting wasn't her strength. She was happy she wasn't in the big chair because she knew she would have erupted by now. They were being strung along, she was sure of it, and in the meantime Tom and Harry were somewhere hoping Voyager would find them. If they weren't dead. She banished that thought immediately. No, they weren't dead. They couldn't die on her. She'd had definitely had enough of people dying around her. Tom was resourceful, always using that quick mind of his, and he'd look after Harry. He always did.

Sitting back examining her repairs she tried to focus on the usual human-Klingon chaos inside, separating the emotions, the thoughts and the reactions spurred by it all. Lately she had tried to do that to try and find a way to analyse herself and why she acted the way she did, to get a better grip on herself. Some things were relatively easy. Anything she interpreted as hostility would inevitably bring out her aggressiveness and she knew it was because of her Klingon heritage. However, she wasn't completely without ability to deal with that reaction. It was possible to work on her perception of hostility and which kind of hostility she would allow herself to react to. She tried to remember that when someone quarrelled with her it didn't automatically mean they were hostile.

Other things were more difficult, like fear. She did feel fear, but not as a human would. She feared loss, rejection and embarrassment and it was here where her two sides were feeding each other the most. Humans would fear rejection, just as any Klingon would, but the reaction she had to fear was aggressiveness, at the same time as she tried to force what ever caused the fear out of her life, pushing the emotionally disturbing person as far away as she possibly could. Her cowardice, as she perceived her reaction of pushing people away to be, angered her even more and she ended up in a downward spiral of anger and further hostility. She hadn't yet found a way to break that trend, especially if embarrassment was involved.

Sometimes a very human hopelessness would strike her, adding to her misery. Hopelessness felt to her like a wet blanket slowly suffocating her, and as much as her Klingon side rebelled against it, it was her most powerful human trait and it had turned out to be incredibly difficult to deal with. If this was what humans had to deal with, it boggled her mind that they weren't all depressed zombies. They weren't, so they had obviously figured something out and she needed to do the same. Soul searching and analysis was her answer, but it wasn't exactly easy. She was not used to sit back and think about her emotions, what they woke up inside and in what way she reacted to them. At times she had to admit that she hadn't a full grip on her actual biology, what she could expect from her own body. Discreetly she brushed up on human and Klingon physiology in an effort to try and understand why she reacted the way she did and how her sides could clash or feed each other. The EMH's defence words 'I'm a doctor, not an engineer' became in her mind 'I'm an engineer, not a doctor'. It was complicated, that much she realised. Sometimes it helped her understanding, but most of the times it didn't.

At times she wondered if she should try and talk about it with someone, but she was unsure who that someone could be. The EMH certainly knew all about her biology and though she appreciated his directness, she also felt vulnerable, and she knew the Doctor wouldn't consider that side of things. It could end up being incredibly embarrassing and then she'd be back on square one again. Kes would listen, but B'Elanna wasn't so sure she'd actually understand. Briefly she had even considered the captain, but she was a very busy person, now more than ever and B'Elanna didn't want to disturb her with her petty problems. Chakotay had long been a confidant on many things, but this time around she tried to avoid him. He knew her so well and could start asking uncomfortably personal questions she'd rather not answer. In fact, she didn't want to admit that there could be anything personal going on worth talking about. Her life evolved around work and that was all there was to it.

From nowhere Harry's words on Hanon IV crossed her mind and she all but smashed the ODN recoupler in the bulkhead next to her, but stopped mid-motion and carefully put it in the toolbox on the floor by her side. That was an unwanted reaction and she should not feed any rumours by her behaviour. Despite her effort she couldn't quell her reaction completely and she stared at her shaking hand while emotions welled up inside of her. She steadied the hand by putting it on the bulkhead and tried to breathe calming breaths. Still staring at her hand she listened to the sound of her blood rushing through her veins, her heart beating more strongly than usual and felt the physical effects, the warmth and the strength spreading throughout her body. She buckled slightly and started drawing deep breaths through her nostrils and her senses sharpened. It was pleasurable – far too pleasurable, and unbidden mental images formed in her mind, images she had fought hard to suppress, just as the reaction she was experiencing. The desire to let this have free reign was strong, incredibly strong, as all Klingon reactions were, but this particular reaction sparked deep fear in her. She wasn't a full Klingon and she wasn't on a Klingon world. Had she been, this wouldn't have been the source of fear and anxiety it now was to her, or at least it was what she kept telling herself. Among humans this _had_ to be held down. It was too strong, too violent, too much of everything. Humans had great difficulties dealing with Klingon desire and it wasn't just because of the physical strain it put on the unfortunate man or woman on the receiving end. The genie had to be put back in the bottle. She closed her eyes and focused her mind on other things, knowing this would subside if she could divert her mind. Desire was the one thing she could force down – for now at least. It was just a matter of keeping it down and hoping her emotions would die with time. It had worked before, it should do it again.

As she slowly regained her grip she felt shame. In the face of what was going on, this reaction was definitely improper. She was thankful no one knew about it and with determination she packed up the tool kit and got on her feet. Like nothing had happened, with her usual mask of control in place, she walked through engineering to stow the tool kit away. She had an injury to treat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _The Swarm_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Clumsy is the word that comes to mind, when I think about Tom's behaviour right at the beginning. How he could expect B'Elanna to ever say 'yes Tom, what a lovely idea' is beyond me – and that went for her as well apparently. I got a good laugh out of it anyway, and I imagine I wasn't the only one.

* * *

><p>"So, lets get to the bottom of this then," Harry said picking up a padd. "It seems a bit redundant by now ," he sighed.<p>

"Paper work, Harry. It's what sets us apart from any thug organisation in this universe," Tom said and smiled.

"I didn't think you'd be such a great fan of it," Harry replied with a grin.

"Saying that I'm a fan is perhaps taking it a bit too far, but I do get why we need to do this. Sometimes it's even useful," Tom said and leaned back in the briefing room chair.

Harry kept grinning and looked down at the padd in his hand. "So far I've looked at the physical pieces in this jigsaw puzzle. I've been looking at the shuttle and I have gone over the readings recorded in the database. It's exactly what we saw while passing through their territory so there's nothing new there. I have also listened to some very interesting recordings." He looked up at his friend who was wearing his best poker face. "Sailing on Lake Como?" he asked with an amused voice.

"It's a beautiful program. You should try it yourself some time," Tom defended himself.

Harry shook his head. "Tom, for heavens sake, you've known B'Elanna for a long time now. What were you thinking? Talking about Freddy Bristow? A holodeck program date? You handled it like this was just any woman on this ship!"

Tom was irked. "I had been sitting there for five hours trying to think of something. I just couldn't come up with anything," he replied.

"She shot you down Tom," Harry pointed out.

"I know she did. I was there, remember?" Tom said sourly.

"Well, if you were complaining about her keeping the distance lately before this, she sure will now. You just proved you're looking at her like any of the other women you've shown interest in here on Voyager," Harry concluded.

Tom threw out his hands. "What would you have done then?" Tom asked.

"For having been around and about the way you have, you sure have some gaps in that smooth talking façade of yours. Why didn't you just tell her what you think of her? Not kidding around, just a serious and honest confession. Leaving the date thing for later when she had thought about it for a while," Harry suggested.

"Easier said than done," Tom grumbled.

Harry nodded. "True. But as it is now, you'll have to start all over again. You'll have to prove to her that this was honest. Knowing her, that will take some time. You have your work cut out for you," he said trying to not sound too gleeful.

"And why are you so smug anyway?" Tom asked glaring at Harry.

"Oh, but I have the opportunity to watch real life drama happening right under my nose. It is highly entertaining actually." He smiled. "Joking aside, I'm just so very happy it's not me. You should be glad I'm not going to organise betting on this."

"You wouldn't dare," Tom exclaimed and leaned forward in his chair.

Harry raised his eyebrows at his friend. "Unlike someone else I know, I'm not a gambler, and I'd definitely not give people details of friends' personal lives. You just concentrate on pulling yourself together and think of something else that could work with B'Elanna."

"That'll be easy," Tom groused and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Probably not, but on the other hand you have plenty of time," Harry said and looked up from his padd. "I still think you should just tell her. Straight up. No jokes, not trying to gloss it over, just you telling her."

"I'll think about it," Tom said dismissively.

Harry drew a breath. "So. Anything you want to add to this investigation?" he asked.

"Not really. The records tells everything there is to know. It was incredibly painful, but it's already in the records," Tom replied.

"Very well," Harry said looking at his padd. The doors opened and let the chief engineer through. She hesitated a moment before deliberately choosing a seat on the opposite side of the table away from Tom. He followed her every move before he realised he was staring and tore his eyes from her to look at Harry.

"Are we done?" he asked.

"Yes, we're done," Harry sighed.

"Good. See you later." Tom rose and looked straight at B'Elanna who had a deer caught in headlights look about her. He stood a moment too long looking intently at her. "Lieutenant," he finally said and nodded before walking out of the room with long strides. B'Elanna looked down at the table and drew a deep breath.

"One could almost think something has happened," Harry said casually.

B'Elanna glared at him. "I take it you have listened to the recordings," she said coldly.

"It's part of the process," Harry pointed out.

"If I so much as hear a peep, a hint, that the content in that conversation is known, your tongue will find a new decorative place in engineering," B'Elanna said emphasising every word as she was leaning over the table looking Harry steadily in his eyes. For once she let that to humans scary Klingon part of her peek out and she noted with pleasure that Harry paled slightly.

"I would never dream of talking to anyone else about it," Harry said with a hint of indignation.

"Good," she said and suddenly she sighed. "But you have talked with Paris about it, haven't you?" she asked.

"It kind of came up, yes," Harry admitted. For a moment he wondered if he should say anything, try and explain why Tom had acted the way he had but decided to not get involved.

"I don't know what to say really. I must confess I was surprised. It just came out of the blue! We sat there for five hours and then he suddenly just blurted it out. After five hours!" She giggled. "I'm sorry," she continued. "I almost started laughing at him when I turned him down. He was so... clumsy. I never imagined that Tom Paris, the resident Don Juan, would act like he was a 17 year old kid." She broke out in a hearty laughter. Harry couldn't resist any longer and joined in. She shook her head and continued. "No matter how I look at it, don't get it. I just don't get it. We've become friends, really friends, and then this happens. Should I take him seriously? I mean, judging from the way he put it, it's impossible to do it. It was like the routine dating Paris decided now was as good a time as any to cover all bases. It's just that I haven't had the feeling he was going to pull that one on _me_. He knows me. I almost told him he's a pig when I turned him down, mostly to remind him of how much I loathe that behaviour." She gazed thoughtfully at the viewport for long moments.

"How are you feeling about it then?" Harry asked and almost started holding his breath.

B'Elanna's eyes became piercing and she turned her head to look at him. "That is none of your business," she said coldly.

"Of course not," he replied looking down at his padd. He didn't dare pointing out that she had just told him exactly how she felt about Tom Paris. He decided to change the subject. "Is there anything you would like to add to the investigation?" he asked and waved the padd in his hand as he looked up at her.

She shook her head. "No. The records says it all. We don't more now than we did when it happened. It was painful. And if I say it's painful, it _is_ painful," she said. "Paris should be thankful he never regained consciousness before the Doctor and Kes was finished treating him."

"How's the Doctor doing by the way?" Harry asked.

"He'll be fine and is back to his usual charming self. I'll have to keep an eye on those circuits and work on a solution on a more permanent basis. We bought ourself a couple of years or so with this procedure, but he'll keep adding and growing as a person so I'll need to solve it. You might want to look at it too," B'Elanna replied. "Anything else?" she asked and leaned forward ready to get out of her chair.

"No. Talking to you was the last thing I needed to do before filing the report. Thanks," he said and smiled.

"Well then. See you later," she said and got out of the chair and walked out of the room with the same determination as Tom had done just minutes ago.

Harry sighed and read the text on his padd before sending the content to Tuvok for review. He took a moment to look out through the viewport before getting out of the chair, picking up the padds strewn around the seat he had occupied and leaving the room. He decided to replicate some real coffee before getting back to his station.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _False Profits_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Wormhole to the left, but oh noes, our friends can't just make a run for it. If I ever wanted to create an AU this would be a good place to kick it in motion, but at the moment I'm concentrating on missing scenes.

* * *

><p>With long strides Tom entered the mess hall. He was not in a good mood and it was very obvious as he crossed the short distance between the doors and the coffee station.<p>

Across the room B'Elanna, Harry and Chakotay watched him enter.

"He looks cheerful," B'Elanna stated drily as she watched him grab the coffee pot with a grim determination, pouring the liquid in a mug without so much as a glance in Neelix general direction.

Chakotay chuckled. "He has little love for the Ferengi," he said.

B'Elanna glanced over at Chakotay. "Who does?" she asked and shook her head.

"Not many, I agree, but I wonder if anything has happened since he looks that ominous," he replied keeping his eyes on Tom who now was making his way through the room. With a distinct thud he put down his mug on the table were the trio sat, grabbed a chair and sat down. When he looked up he let his eyes fall on Chakotay.

"She let them go," was all he said.

Chakotay leaned over the table. "She did what?" His voice revealed surprise.

"The captain let the two 'Sages' go. They were apparently so convincing that she couldn't retain them for more than a few minutes. Since the people down there view them as gods you can't just yank these two out of there or you'll wreck havoc in a way someone bound to Starfleet protocol can't do. Apparently," Tom said with a voice so lacking in emotion that Tuvok would have approved. B'Elanna eyed him, well knowing Tom only sounded like that when he was really upset. She shook her head.

"So what now?" she asked.

"Senior officers will meet in about 30 minutes or so to discuss this," he replied and lifted his mug to drink.

"How did you hear about it?" Chakotay asked leaning back.

"I was leaving for a break when the captain swept through the bridge with a dark cloud hanging over head and Tuvok in tow, apparently ordered to take command when at his station. I asked him for details before heading here." He had another mouthful before turning his attention to Harry and B'Elanna. "So how's your work going then?" he asked.

"I'd like to say look out the window, but it's not quite there yet. I think it's close though. Very close. I'd feel a whole lot better if those leeches were in our brig right now," Harry said and glanced through the viewport closest to him. "When it appears we don't have that long, and I want to go home." He looked back from the viewport.

For a moment B'Elanna and Tom glanced at each other before their eyes darted away and they both tried to look indifferent by studying details on their mugs. Chakotay grimaced slightly at the sight. He had a pretty good guess what that had been about and he couldn't honestly say he didn't share their hesitation. It had been almost two years. Surely they had to be looked upon with some leniency? You could never be sure though and he realised he didn't know where his old band of Maquis really stood in this matter. The look Tom and B'Elanna had shared betrayed they had talked about it but he couldn't say if they had an agreement and what kind of agreement that might be. His gut sank when he looked at B'Elanna. She would probably not agree to any Starfleet treatment despite working well on Voyager. Tom? He'd like to think Tom would rather do it the Starfleet way because he had a real chance of being redeemed, but the lingering effects of Tom's secret agent adventure made him suspect he'd side with B'Elanna. What he himself would do was uncertain. He was after all the one Starfleet would like to nail to the imaginary cross. The rest might get away with a suspended sentence, or perhaps some community duty, but he didn't think he'd get away with something like that. This was one of the few things he hadn't discussed with anyone and in this his spirit guide hadn't been able to help. He hoped that he'd know when he arrived at that point.

Harry watched the same exchange and quelled a sigh. B'Elanna had worked with her usual determination and had not held back in any way, and up to this point he hadn't thought about what the former Maquis were facing once they were all back in the Alpha quadrant. He did now however. Then in the corner of his eye he saw it. A bluish light was forming. He turned his head and watched the wormhole form. "Look!" he exclaimed. The others looked up at the phenomenon and then at each other. Harry rose quickly. "We need to look at the data!" he continued and headed for the mess hall doors without looking at the others. B'Elanna scrambled to her feet, not looking at either Chakotay or Tom, following the ensign out through the doors.

The commander and the lieutenant sat silently watching the wormhole slightly shift and grow. Tom had one last mouthful of his coffee before setting down the mug in front of him, quite carefully as if any sound from the mug would disturb anything.

"It's certainly a sight," Chakotay said lightly.

"It sure is," Tom replied and for the first time since he had arrived at the table Chakotay noticed emotion in Tom's voice. He turned to look at the younger man and caught the conflict displayed over his face. Their eyes met briefly and Tom quickly regained his composure.

"I think it's time for us to join the rest," Chakotay said and the two men started to get out of their seats.

"_*All senior officers, report to the briefing room,*_" Tuvok ordered calmly over the comlink.

"Yessir," Tom said under his breath as he made his way out of the mess hall with Chakotay. He really wanted to ask what Chakotay was thinking at this very moment, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He was not sure himself what he'd do if they made it back right now. He'd probably get a lenient treatment and would be able to go back to service, or at least be off the penal colony hook. There was always the trade circuit if Starfleet wouldn't accept him. It was a different matter for the former Maquis. They didn't know what had happened during the time they had been gone and if the war was still on, they would most likely want to re-join their comrades. But Chakotay? There was no telling what went through his mind right now.

If the war had ceased, there was no indication what any of the former Maquis would do. Or what the Federation would do with them. B'Elanna's voice came back to him. _You could get your own ship. You'd not have to fly yourself if you did. You could be your very own captain._ He wondered if she would be interested in a position if he did get his own ship, and she got out of the legal hassle fairly quickly. Perhaps, if she could forget about that embarrassing date proposal. His ears burned in shame at the thought of it. He could have lost the best engineer the world had ever seen because of that clumsy attempt to... what? Tell her he really cared for her, that she had a very special place in his heart? Probably not something she'd appreciate in a captain. Any captain.

"Cheer up Paris. We're not home yet," Chakotay said with a lopsided grin as they reached the turbolift. Tom looked startled. "Don't give me that look," the commander continued. "I can tell you're not beside yourself with joy." They stepped inside the lift. "Deck one," he ordered.

"I'll do my best," Tom said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Chakotay glanced at him and the corners of his mouth quirked slightly upwards. "I'm sure you will," he retorted calmly. The lift stopped and they stepped out on the bridge. It was time to deal with some pressing matters.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Remember_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Tom is catching up with Harry when B'Elanna seek out her two friends.

* * *

><p>"Where is she now?" Tom asked.<p>

"I don't know. The function kind of died right then and there and everyone scurried away to deal with something else than hanging around in that pretty uncomfortable silence. The captain might have talked to B'Elanna afterwards, but what happened later, I have no clue," Harry replied.

Tom raised his eyebrows. "I know they had a meeting. It's hard to miss when they have to cross the bridge to get to the captains ready room after all. B'Elanna has this uncanny talent for looking defiant and uncertain at the same time and the captain, well, she looked like she was cut in stone."

"It wasn't exactly a favourite situation for a captain," Harry said with a sigh.

"So what do you think?" Tom asked looking intently at his friend.

"It's hard to believe something like that could have happened." Harry shook his head and turned to look at Tom. "But both you and I know that if anything, B'Elanna isn't the kind of person who would throw wild accusations around, and it was clear something had happened. The captain didn't seem like she was taken by surprise so something has been going on a while, which could explain why we haven't seen much of B'Elanna the past days. And she passed out on her way to engineering."

Tom pursed his lips and squinted at Harry. "I heard something about that but no one seemed to know why she had passed out." A hint of concern was heard in his voice.

"No one does, aside from the EMH, Kes and I guess the captain and lieutenant Tuvok, but yeah, I think it's related to those memories." Harry walked up to the viewport and gazed at the planet visible below. "And now they're all leaving. It feels so... unresolved. Something happened down there but we won't know if they'll actually have the courage to deal with it."

Tom threw a glance through the viewport. "She has sown a seed. It's all she can do really. You can't force people to look truth in the eye and some won't even be interested, but it's enough that one or two will be. Most will go in to denial, especially those who took part in what happened, but there will be more people willing to speak up if this comes out."

"But who would start talking? It was pretty clear that those present during the function didn't want to acknowledge this," Harry said and looked at Tom.

"People isn't going to accept something like this immediately. It will stay with them though and after a while some will start looking. That's when the ball start rolling," Tom said firmly.

"I hope you're right," Harry said and looked back through the viewport.

The door signalled and Tom half-turned towards it. "Come in," he called out and the door opened. Outside a hesitant B'Elanna weighed on one foot. Tom turned and took a few steps towards her before stopping himself. "Come in B'Elanna," he urged her and his concern was clearly visible.

She looked up and a brief smile crossed her features before slowly stepping inside but stopping just inside the room. Tom pressed his lips together when he saw the uncertainty in her eyes and swiftly went over to her and gently nudged her in to the room towards the couch. Once she sat he sat down next to her. "How are you doing?" he asked calmly. Harry came slowly over to the couch and sat down as well. B'Elanna tilted her head and looked down at her hands.

"I'm okay. It's all a bit awkward right now." She paused and looked up. "I went down to engineering to talk to Jessen."

"What did she say?" Harry anxiously asked.

"She asked if I'd share these memories and then she initiated a link... and experienced the first part of the memories. She has it all and know how it ends, but it still takes a while to process." B'Elanna swallowed. "She was quite shaken." Her voice was a bit unstable.

"I'm amazed it went that fast," Tom said thoughtfully.

"I think... there might have been indications that something perhaps weren't as great as she was told growing up. When I offered to give her all the memories I got, she had to find out. She knew Korrena." B'Elanna cleared her throat.

Tom rose and went over to his bathroom and picked up a glass and filled it with water, returned to the couch and handed it to her. "Here, drink some," he said softly.

B'Elanna accepted the glass and had a sip. "I'm a bit shaken by all of this. I got so angry when I realised what had happened, and that Jorena had been killed because she shared her memories with me. I mean, one can question her actions because I didn't have a say in this, but it was so important. Had she asked me I would have said yes in a heartbeat. She didn't because she knew it was dangerous... and I in my ignorance gave her away. It was my fault she was killed!" B'Elanna said with an increasingly unstable voice.

Harry leaned forward. "You cannot take responsibility for her death! It wasn't you who killed her. You had no idea you even gave her away. If anything they used you to get to Jorena, but you didn't have any part in any killing," he said with calm decisiveness.

"It's not that easy." B'Elanna's voice was now ashen.

Tom glanced away for a moment. "No, it's not that easy. I know it's not that easy." He looked back at her. "But, and this is important, don't blame yourself for the actions of others. You had no intention of doing harm, nor did you actually do any harm. Her life lives on because you realised what happened, and that's what's important, and it was what she was hoping to achieve. Jorena knew she was taking a risk but she decided it was worth it. She apparently had great faith in you B'Elanna, and you proved her right. That's what's important," he said with a firm voice and placed his hand on her shoulder as if he wished his calm assertion would flow from him over to her.

B'Elanna looked up. Their words were curious echoes of Jessen's and she felt a bit embarrassed, though she had no reason for it. She felt less than stellar about her part in Jorena's death, but she realised there were truth in what they were saying. Hearing it from Tom who definitely had experienced guilt because of his actions made her feel she might have a right to be angry for being used by someone trying to cover up something as awful as a genocide. "Thank you," she simply said.

Tom smiled at her. "You're welcome." He paused and they sat gazing at each other as moments passed by.

Harry noticed the slight shift in the air and that the silence drew on. Great, he thought. Why do I always feel like I turn in to the third wheel around these two? Suddenly Tom and B'Elanna became aware of the situation and Tom pulled back his hand and B'Elanna looked down at her hands. To his amazement Harry noticed she blushed. He quickly looked at Tom who rubbed the back of his neck while his eyes darted around the room, with ears in an interesting shade of red. A rouge smile grew on Harry's face despite his effort to hold it back.

"So, what now?" he said in an effort to break the awkwardness between his two friends and his own smugness. Tom and B'Elanna glanced nonplussed at him "I mean, they're packing up their stuff and leaving, so what now?" he tried to explain.

"They have already left, so there's nothing more we can do but hope. The captain ordered us to be on our way as soon as we were cleared to do so," B'Elanna threw Tom a quick glance.

"Baytart," Tom said as if B'Elanna had asked who was at the conn. She nodded. As if on cue the impulse engines could be felt through the deck under their feet and the view outside changed. They were on their way again.

"Have any of you eaten yet?" Tom asked.

"No, the function was all about drinks," Harry said and B'Elanna shook her head.

"Well then. I suggest we get something to eat. We still have to go on living after all. Replicator or Neelix?" He looked at the other two.

"Replicator," they said in chorus and then chuckled reluctantly looking at each other. Tom joined in.

"Who am I to protest? Lets blow some rations!" he said.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Sacred Ground_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Good friends have a talk during difficult times. Not completely open, but it's a start.

* * *

><p>"How is she doing?" B'Elanna asked and sat down on the couch.<p>

"Nothing much has changed. She's slowly deteriorating. I went down there just after going off my shift but aside from looking a bit too pale, she looks just like she's sleeping."

Tom stood by the viewport staring out through it. B'Elanna noticed that his voice had an icy edge to it and she concluded that this was more hard on him than he wanted to admit to her. It was difficult. She had long ago stopped suspecting something was going on between those two, but she and Tom had never talked about it, other than in hints which at the time had been neither nice nor wanted. She regretted that they hadn't cleared that air before all of this happened, because now it was definitely difficult to talk about what was happening – for them both.

"I'm sorry," she said, something which caused Tom to turn his head and look at her.

"Sorry?" he echoed. "You don't think that I... " he started saying.

"No Tom, I don't. And it's not what I meant either. I know you're close, but not that kind of close," she said calmly. She sighed. "I'm sorry Tom, for letting things... stay unresolved."

Tom's eyes widened. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice now revealing uncertainty.

"We've become friends. Real friends. But there have been some things happening along the way that I simply didn't accept or wanted to know about. I'm not Harry. Some things... I'd rather not know." She looked down at her hands which she discovered she was wringing. Bad habit, she thought and forced herself to stop.

Tom kept looking at her. "If it's any consolation, there were things I didn't want to know about either." He shrugged and looked back through the viewport. "I don't know from where that idea comes that you're only a real friend if you talk about everything. Harry and I aren't sharing everything. I still consider him one of my best friends around here." He looked back at B'Elanna. "There are things I can't tell him because if I do I'll reveal things about someone else I don't think he has the right to know. I can tell when a conversation turns in to a confidential one even if I'm not asked to stay silent."

She looked up and met his eyes. Those words were clearly meant for her. So Harry didn't know. Well, he had mentioned not knowing details about her and Tom's little talks over time. The rest could be because he was generally in the know, as everyone on this ship. And he was the senior OP after all. She smiled slightly and nodded.

"On a ship this small you have to mind what you say and to who you say it. I know that too," she replied. Tom smiled back at her.

"I never thought any less of you," he said and slowly walked over to the couch and sat down, stretching out his legs in front of him while leaning back. "Nothing ever happened," he continued. "I'm not stupid. Wait, I take that back," he said and raised his hands temporarily. "What I meant was, I didn't want to do something stupid. I was done with doing stupid things. I cared too much about her to want to wreck her whole existence. Besides, she never saw me as the charmer some other people on this ship has seen me as. She saw me, the Tom I am underneath the joking attitude, and she sympathised but that was all there ever was to it for her. I knew that. I accepted it. I just... had to feel sorry for myself for a while." He turned to look at B'Elanna. "I got used to feeling sorry for myself and I missed it," he said and chuckled. "Harry was right about that."

"About what?" she asked curiously.

"That I did it to myself because I liked it." He paused. "Okay, so don't really like it, but it's a familiar feeling and I had ways to deal with it, usually involving excuses for certain behaviour. It got difficult here though. I couldn't drink myself into a stupor here. Or behave in other less flattering ways. If you can't, then inflicting pain on yourself gets kind of tedious in the long run. Pain isn't that fun in itself." He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling.

B'Elanna gave him a long look before turning her eyes away. She wasn't ready for any confessions of this kind. Maybe she would never be. It was terribly frightening to give the man next to her the full picture, tell him her fears and vices, why she pushed people away, why she pushed especially him away. This was the perfect opportunity, she realised, but she just couldn't do it. Her reason was the silly date proposal, and it was, because if there was any sincerity to it, and by now she suspected there was, she'd not know how to handle it. How to handle him. No, it wasn't about him. She didn't know how to handle herself. She told herself she was not going to wreck this moment, not say or do anything stupid, not try and push him away. He was simply being honest because a dear friend was wasting away in sickbay and there was nothing he could do about it. He needed support, not incomprehensible behaviour from her. She was simply not going to talk about herself. Suddenly she glanced back and nearly jumped when she noticed he was looking searchingly straight at her.

"I'm sorry about that Lake Como thing. It was stupid," he said.

B'Elanna's eyes darted away. "Don't worry about it," she said but to her annoyance her voice couldn't quite keep its cool.

"Okay, I'm not going to push it, just admit that it was Paris stupid. I'm still learning," he continued with a smile. "Old habits die hard." He sighed. "There I go again. Joking about serious things. What I meant was that I tend to continue the Paris jargon even when I know I should have either shut up or been honest instead." He looked back up at the ceiling. This was the perfect opportunity to be honest, he realised. It was perfect, and yet, could he push it now? She had reached out in a difficult moment and for that he was very grateful, but that didn't mean she would appreciate his honesty. In fact, he didn't know what went on behind those eyes of hers. Sometimes he thought he saw hints of... something, but the instance he thought he saw something it was gone again, often replaced by her trademark brusque behaviour. He decided to not say anything, to not wreck this moment, just accept that she was there.

Moments passed by, and B'Elanna started to feel uncomfortable by the silence. Was he expecting her to say something, to share things? She dared a glance in his direction but he was still gazing at the ceiling. No, he didn't seem to be expecting anything.

"In all of this I'm feeling kind of ashamed because even if I and Kes are close, Neelix is a lot closer," Tom suddenly said.

B'Elanna pursed her lips before responding. "It's not a competition. She have many friends here and if the captain or the Doctor can't help her, everyone will miss her." She turned her head and looked at Tom who met her eyes. "You have a right to worry. And to grieve, if it comes to that. Let's hope it doesn't though," she said with a comforting smile.

Shutting up had its advantages, Tom decided. He had time. Other perfect moments would certainly show up, he decided.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," she replied and they smiled at each other.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Future's End pt 1_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Bear with me here. This is a single episode stretched over 90 minutes which, considering things, isn't such a bad idea at times. Originally I was going to write one instalment only, but as I sat down this little thing came to me first. I found it pretty funny when Tuvok had been off getting breakfast (an afternoon at Dodger Stadium) so I think it was that which convinced me this had to come out. Not all burritos are vegetarian, even though I prefer mine as such, but Tuvok may have gotten that impression if Tom had gone with Rain getting take away the evening before. I think Tom would have been thinking about Tuvok being a vegetarian though he'd give another reason for the veggie food than either of them actually being vegetarians. I also wanted to give Rain and Tom more time, because this is the first time it's believable that had things been different, B'Elanna would have had serious competition. Rain isn't just pretty, she has brains and likes Tom – and says so. She's sort of B'Elanna but without the baggage.

* * *

><p>Rain was still sulking in the back of the van when the two men in the front seats started talking again.<p>

"Mr. Paris, we should find a suitable place for the night," the man called Tuvok said with the flat voice she had started to expect from him.

"Oh, I know. I just haven't figured out quite the place yet," Tom replied intensely focused on traffic.

"May I remind you we have a representative from the local population with us," was Tuvok's reply. She rolled her eyes at the way he was saying it, though his logic was impeccable.

"Yeah, I'm still here, in case you have forgotten," she said and sat up trying to catch Tom's eyes in the rear view mirror.

"I can assure you Ms. Robinson, we have not," Tuvok replied.

"Right. Any suggestions?" Tom asked and briefly met her eyes in the mirror.

"Well we could try a park. I mean, since we can't go to my place. We'd be able to stay for one night at least without attracting too much attention," she offered.

"Any good suggestions?" Tom asked as he stopped at a light.

Rain looked around to locate where they were. "If you take left in the next crossing and then to the right at the third street crossing, we'll come up to a park to our right where we could pull in." She sighed. "It's central anyway," she said looking out of the car window.

"It would be wise to not attract too much attention," Tuvok said.

"We won't. We're going to fit right in. Everyone does," she replied and watched the traffic, checking Paris was driving according to instructions. In the corner of her eye she saw Tuvok heave a sigh. That guy is really a tonne of fun, she thought to herself. Oh how she really would love to know what this was all about! Not that she didn't have ideas. A UFO appearing in orbit, and suddenly her world was upside down with her hanging out with people more or less acting human but clearly not being from the neighbourhood. And she wasn't talking about LA but about Earth 1996. Tom, if that actually was his real name, hadn't been as clammed up as Tuvok and she, by connecting the hints he had dropped, had formed a reasonably good idea where these guys could come from – and when. The corners of her mouth quirked slightly. She was upset, but at the same time this was exciting. If they only could tell her what all this was about she'd feel a lot better about the situation. She leaned forward towards Paris.

"It's here. Just turn right and keep the speed down and it'll come up on our right straight away," she said. After a few moments the park came in to view and Tom started to find a suitable place to park the van. As the car came to a halt Tuvok once more voiced his opinion.

"We require sustenance." He turned to look at her in the way she had come to expect from him, serious and nonsensical. "Are you familiar with this neighbourhood?" he asked.

"Sort of. But you really don't need to because there's food everywhere around here. Chinese, Mexican, pizza, burgers... If we walk up that street we'll have all sorts of stuff to choose from. Just take your pick," she waved up the street they had been driving along.

"Tell you what. Why don't I and Rain go get something to eat while you arrange things here for the night? You could perhaps try and contact our... friends too?" Paris said to Tuvok. He nodded in response.

They climbed out of the van and started walking. "It won't be very comfortable," she said with an apologetic smile. "I mean, sleeping in the car."

Paris glanced at her and quirked the corners of his mouth. "It's okay. We're at least having air to breathe. And toilets... somewhere," he said looking around.

"Right, yeah. I kind of expect having air to breathe," she replied. "At least smoggy air."

"Well, sometimes you can't expect even having that," he said as if he didn't really think about what he was saying as he was keeping his eyes in motion scanning the street. She studied him under her bangs. He seemed constantly balancing between being charming towards her and staying focused on what ever he was doing and on occasion when distracted he dropped the hints she'd wished he would expand on. By now she was more curious than upset but she wasn't quite sure how to coax more information out of these two men.

"So what do you like best?" she asked and eyed the street ahead.

"Best?" Paris echoed and looked at her like he didn't know what she was talking about.

"Yeah, food. Remember? We were supposed to get something to eat," she said with a grin.

"Oh, I don't know," he replied as he started to feign being easygoing, but apparently he changed his mind and stopped, put his hands on his hips and turned towards her. "I think vegetarian would be best."

Rain's eyebrows shot up. "Vegetarian?" she blurted.

"Yeah, sans meat. No fish or chicken either. Just vegetables, beans, lentils, that sort of thing," he said completely serious.

"I know what it is, it's just that... I didn't expect you to be vegetarian," she said apologetically and pushed her hands in her pockets and raised her shoulders.

Paris smiled widely. "Always when out like this I prefer sticking to vegetables. Less risk of getting food poisoning," he said.

She tilted her head. "Never thought about that. Huh. Well, I'd say we find a place with decent burritos then. Oh! I know just the place! Come on!" she exclaimed and started to pull him along.

"Hey easy! I'm coming! We've got all night, no need to rush," he chuckled.

"Oh right. Sorry," she said and smiled. They walked for a while in silence. "You think that guy is going to find us? I mean, the guy with that freaky beam thing," she clarified and looked up at him.

"No, I don't think so. And I don't think he'll put that much of an effort in to it either. Staying in your van is a precaution, just in case," he said reassuringly.

"Man, this is weird. You just sit there, day after day, keeping an eye on space, in theory hoping that something will happen... But I never expected it to." She sighed. "And I won't be able to prove anything because you ruined my computer."

"Rain, I'm sorry about that and I wish I could tell you more, but I can't. Please, just drop it," he said starting to sound tired.

"Long day?" she asked.

Paris snorted lightly. "You could say that. You're not the only one who has had an eventful day." He threw the sky a quick glance and his charms melted away.

"Worried about your friends?" she continued lightly.

Tom threw her a look. "You don't miss much," he sighed. "No, I'm not worrying about them. It's they who worry about us." He looked around. "Are we there yet?" he asked.

She grinned. "In fact, you're about to walk past."

He looked to his right and saw a small stall. "Damn, could have missed that one," he said.

"Let's get those burritos, okay?" she said and smiled and Paris nodded in reply.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Future's End pt. 2_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Our resident hero is back on Voyager in 2373, having a chat with his good friend about the past and the future.

* * *

><p>"He could have sent us home," Harry grumbled.<p>

"Harry, you know just how tight-assed Starfleet always is about their protocols. It's kind of nice to know very little changes over time," Tom said lightly. "Makes you feel at home with them no matter when you bump in to them."

Harry snorted. "Okay, so I know you're not dying to go back home, but still, you seem awfully cheerful to me. What happened down there anyway?" he asked with a grin.

"We travelled around in a van most of the time. Ate fast food. Chased the bad guys. That sort of thing," Tom replied evasively.

"I heard something of you bonding with a Miss Robinson 'on a cross cultural level'?" Harry pressed on.

"Oh you mean Rain? That has got to be Tuvok's words," Tom snorted.

"Well yeah, he was the one reporting once you had made it to the observatory." Harry eyed his friend who didn't seem to want to elaborate. "Tom, come on. What happened?" he said eagerly.

"Strictly speaking? Nothing. We hung out with the astronomer, the so called Ms. Robinson as Tuvok kept calling her, we bumped in to when we went to the observatory the first time around. She had the escape vehicle." Tom chuckled. "She didn't exactly think her day was going to be shaken up like it was, that's for sure." He sighed. "Tuvok blew her hard drive and she understood it was us. Before we could make our hasty retreat, Starling's thug showed up wielding his what ever that was, disruptor of sorts, and before we knew it we were all in the same van running off together." Tom rose from the couch and went over to the replicator. "Coffee, hot," he ordered and picked up the beverage and went back to sit down.

"She was smart – heck she's an astronomer after all – alert and a really nice person. We shared a couple of interests." Tom took a sip of his coffee.

"Why do I get the feeling there is an _and_ here?" Harry asked.

Tom sighed and looked at his friend. "Had I lived in 1996 in Los Angeles, I'd have held on to that girl. Clever, she liked the same B-movie stuff I do, knew what we were talking about, far too much to be honest, charming, pretty, and she liked me. She liked _me_. She wasn't afraid of telling me she did." He turned his eyes to watch the coffee as he swirled it around in the cup in his hands. "I may not be as categorical as Tuvok but I was well aware of why we were there and what we had to do. And what ever we came across was going to firmly stay in 1996 while we hopefully would make it back to 2373 without damaging any time lines too much." He was silent for a moment. "She was but a dream," he concluded.

"But she was real to you," Harry protested. "I'm sure you'd find her if you looked. I mean since she was an astronomer."

"I'm sure I would. But that's not the point, Harry. The point is that I realised that I have a life worth living here in my own century. We may not be at home, which quite frankly doesn't matter either, but I have a life. I've got to stop joking around and putting things off. I can't sit around waiting for things to happen. So far I have been flying this ship and that's pretty much the only thing I have been doing. It's a nice job and I have carved out an existence here on Voyager, but there's so much more to life than flying around in the Delta quadrant." Tom stopped and took a deep breath.

"I'd say you have accomplished a bit more than that," Harry said and started to grin.

"If you bring up those kids one more time I swear I'll... I don't know. Re-program you replicator to only serve Plomeek soup or something," Tom hissed.

Harry laughed. "I don't mind Plomeek soup and I think I can correct that kind of a hack myself," he said. "It sounds to me like you've decided on something," he continued.

Tom sipped some coffee looking thoughtful. "In theory it seems quite easy, but nothing is simple and straightforward in real life. I need to think about what I think is important in life, what I want, what I need... I need a vision. I need to think long and hard about the people I want in my life and how to keep them there and for what reasons."

"It sounds... structured," Harry said reluctantly. "Don't you think it's a bit too formal?"

"Depends on the way you look at it. Making a graphical presentation for a senior officer's briefing is perhaps to take it a bit too far, but I think more or less consciously everyone sooner and later goes through the process of deciding on what's important in life. Whether or not it's possible to stick to some sort of plan, now that's not always that easy. I don't know if I can, but I can sure as hell try. It's the only life I'll have and it's time to figure out what I want to fill it with," Tom explained and sipped some more coffee.

Harry tilted his head slightly. "It's so odd hearing this from you, Tom. I know you can be all serious and give great advice, but I never associated you with... plans. Or visions, if that's what you want to call it," he said thoughtfully.

Tom chuckled. "Well, if it's any consolation, I'm not used to this myself. And it's one thing sitting here saying it, something completely different to actually carry it out. But I have to try because I have a feeling it's something I'd regret later in life if I don't at least try."

Harry eyed his friend with a slight smile, not passing Tom unnoticed. "Harry, Harry, I'm beginning to think I'm having a bad influence on you," he said feigning concern.

"Admit it, it's part of that fine vision of yours," Harry replied.

Tom blew out some air and looked out through the viewport. "Right now I'd rather not think about it too much. I'd like this little thing with Rain to settle a bit first." He looked back at Harry. "But eventually yeah, she's been there a long time now. Question isn't if she's on the same page, but if she's even in the same library. I don't know but I intend to find out." He laughed nervously. "I have absolutely no clue how to do it, other than being me. It's the only one I can be."

"Isn't that first rule of anything? Be the one you are?" Harry asked.

"It's not necessarily a good thing to be who you are," Tom said and made a face.

"But you've left that behind. There were reasons for it too, don't forget about that," Harry pointed out.

"Reasons or not, I was a pig. B'Elanna was absolutely right about that. I just hope she has noticed the change," Tom mused and had some coffee.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Harry declared.

"You enjoy this, don't you?" Tom replied and glared at his friend.

Harry grinned back. "I'm just going to get my popcorn..." he said and leaned back against the couch. Tom chuckled and had some more coffee.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Warlord_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Time have a tendency to slip by and it's not just something I have found out, but it's what Tom has too. This has been sitting half-finished on my computer for two months, but now I'm finally done with it.

* * *

><p>"I thought you said you were going to start living your life!" Harry shouted and hit the ball hard.<p>

"I am!" Tom responded and whacked the ball back to his opponent.

"If you call playing squash three times a week with a friend... " Harry returned the ball, "living life... " he left the sentence unfinished.

Tom hit the ball with the clear intention of making things difficult for Harry. "Talk less, play more," he retorted as the ball hit the front wall and bounced on to the side wall before shooting back towards the players. It sent Harry scrambling over the floor to try to save it. Only just, he managed to force the ball back towards the large wall in front of them.

"Foul play!" Harry shouted as he hurried back to position.

Tom hit the ball with held back aggression, again in a manner which would send Harry struggling. "It was not," he calmly replied and watched Harry again sacrifice himself to reach the ball. "Out!" he shouted as the ball hit below the tin line with a metallic sound.

Harry stood leaning his hands on his knees panting heavily. "Damn!" he hissed under his breath and stood and looked at the other man in the room. Tom grinned back at him. "If you had been a farm boy growing up in the Carpathian mountains I would believe you if you said this was living life, but you're not. You're Tom Paris, son of an admiral who flew the outskirts of Federation space for years, when you didn't hang out in shady places gaming and drinking too much. This," Harry waved around the bare room, "is exercise. Not living." He turned to go after the ball. "So what's happening?" he asked as he picked it up.

"I'm running too!" Tom defended himself. "I've got a nice little woodland running program. It's really nice, with soft paths, shady canopies... " he stopped as Harry glared at him with his hands on his hips.

"It's been 2½ months," Harry said with emphasis.

Tom shrugged. "How time flies."

"It sure does. Got any plans yet?" Harry asked and threw the ball to Tom.

"I wasn't going to make any plans. Plans get wrecked. I was going to think of a vision," Tom replied calmly and put his foot on the line to the service box, getting ready to serve.

Harry snorted loudly. "Right. Visions. So do you have any visions then?" he pressed on.

Tom served. "Of course," he said and watched Harry return the ball. They played in silence for a short while until Harry decided to turn the table on Tom and try to outmanoeuvre him the same way he had with Harry. Tom scrambled but managed, once, twice but the third time he couldn't make it.

"Out!" Harry cried as the ball shot straight in to the wall and then bounced on the floor. Tom crawled up from the floor where he had fallen.

"Damn, this is a horrible sport. Remind me, why did I agree to play this again?" he asked Harry.

"Because you bragged about your superior reaction times?" Harry replied grinning widely.

"They are superior," he said sourly. "I never said anything about being superior when it comes to handling a racket."

"It's good for you," Harry reminded him and clapped him on the shoulder. "Come on. We're not done yet!"

Tom picked up the ball and threw it over to Harry. They continued to play and as the ball bounced back and forth the two men became more and more silent. This was certainly a painful game, Tom thought. No time for dwelling and no strength for talking, which in all honestly suited him just fine. Harry's prodding was becoming difficult to evade and he didn't want to shut his friend up by being rude. He just didn't want to admit that he didn't really know what to do, that his vision had stopped at being a vision without a plan on how to get that vision. Parts of it had been easier to handle. He had worked on his general relationships with other people and even seen some progress with Chakotay. The past couldn't be changed but he wanted to make sure Chakotay knew he really was a professional, and it seemed to be working. And then there was B'Elanna. All he had done was to try to be anything but what he once had been, letting time pass and hopefully put the past where it firmly belonged, and hopefully wear off the edges of any memory of his previous poor behaviour.

"_*Neelix to Paris! I have been working on something on holodeck 2 and I was hoping you would like to come and have a look on it!*_" Neelix cheerful and expectant voice was heard over the comm. system.

Tom stopped and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath before answering. "Paris here. Sure, I could look at it. Harry and I was just finishing up a game of squash. I'll just take a shower and I'll be right with you," he answered, trying to keep his breath under control.

"_*Oh, Mr. Kim! Please, if you have time to join Tom I'd be happy to show you too!*_" Neelix exclaimed.

Harry threw Tom a glance. "Okay, I'll come as well. We'll be there shortly," Harry said and cut the communication. "So what do you think this is all about then?" he asked Tom.

Tom shrugged and straightened out. "I have no idea. Holodeck 2 probably means he has given holo programming a shot and feels he needs some input."

Harry made a face. "That much I could figure out myself." he replied and started walking towards the door.

Tom grinned. "You asked!" he said. "Computer, end squash program," he ordered as he followed Harry.

Harry stopped and turned towards his friend. "Then I'm going to ask another obvious question. What are you going to do about your fine vision then?"

Tom stopped abruptly. "I'll figure something out." He put his hands on his hips and glanced away from Harry. "Eventually."

Harry looked pointedly at Tom. "You really need to start figuring it out. I've kept my eyes open and can tell that there are others who are eyeing B'Elanna. She likes you, though she won't actually tell you. You just need to... you know," he tried to explain.

Tom raised his eyebrows. "No, I don't know," he replied calmly.

"Just tell her, okay?" Harry said and threw out his hands.

Tom crossed his arms over his chest and tried to straighten every inch of himself to be able to look down on Harry. "Yeah, that'll make her enthusiastic."

"Perhaps more enthusiastic than you think. You know she won't throw herself at you, if nothing else because she's not friends with her Klingon side, " Harry pointed out. "That doesn't mean she couldn't be interested."

Tom was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words. "I just don't want to come across as a blabbering idiot," he sighed and looked down.

"Keep away from dating proposals then," Harry said drily. "Look, just tell her. Leave it at that and let her digest it. If she isn't interested you'll know. I'm pretty sure she won't turn you down though."

Tom sighed. "And then I'll do what, exactly?"

"I think you'll figure it out. Just stay away from Lake Como, okay?" Harry grinned.

Tom snorted and reached out and put his hands on Harry's shoulders, turned him around while gently pushing him towards the door. "Come on, we're keeping Neelix waiting," he said. After a moment's silence he continued. "I wonder why she's uncomfortable with her Klingon side. I mean, it makes her stronger in every way and enables her to think in situations when the rest of us have to fight off panic first. That anger isn't always a bad thing," he mused.

Harry glanced at Tom. "Perhaps you should freshen up on Klingon physiology, Tom. Those are the obvious traits that looks advantageous to us, but I can think of a couple of things which is making her uncomfortable. Especially since she's only half-Klingon and lives in a mainly human environment," he replied calmly.

Tom nodded. "I just don't get why people are intimidated by her," he mused. Harry snorted but didn't explain what he thought was so funny. "I like strong women," Tom continued.

Harry nodded and tried to keep his face straight. "It's a good thing you do, Tom," he replied.

Tom glared at Harry. "Well, I do. Stop grinning like that!"

"I said it was a good thing! Now, come on Tom. Neelix is waiting," Harry said and continued walking. Tom followed reluctantly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Q and the Grey_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. B'Elanna is doing some soul searching.

* * *

><p>"If there's nothing else, I'm off," B'Elanna said, trying to not show just how tired she was.<p>

Lieutenant Carey looked up and smiled briefly. "We're good. Listen," he said and looked around them to check that they weren't overheard before continuing, "why don't you have a sleep in tomorrow? Things are running smoothly and ensign Vorik could oversee the work during the morning. He's more than qualified and wouldn't mind the responsibility. What do you say?"

B'Elanna stood taken aback by the suggestion. "I don't know... Do I look that tired?" she asked.

"I've counted the hours," Carey said diplomatically.

"I look that tired," she concluded with a lopsided smile. "Okay, I'll take a break." She looked at the chronometer and frowned. "It's pretty late to give Vorik a call though," she said and looked back at Carey.

Carey nodded and tried to quell a smile. "That's why I talked to him before he left this evening."

She looked at him with astonishment. "I'm not sure I like this, Carey," she said suspiciously.

"I'm only giving you the possibility to take a break, nothing else. I've told Vorik because I know I can count on his discretion," he explained. "Even the chief engineer needs a rest sometimes," he reminded her.

"Alright, I'll go along with it. This time," she said and her smile returned. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," he replied and returned the smile.

She had to admit that it was a good feeling, knowing there would be no alarm clock going off in the morning. Surprisingly enough the visit in the Continuum had not done much visible harm to Voyager, but to be on the safe side she had ordered a full diagnostics and sent teams to check the gel packs and wiring around the ship. She had of course been there the whole time, overseeing everything, unwilling to leave until she was sure there would be no nasty surprises that couldn't be handled if she wasn't there.

As she walked through the corridor she mused on the behaviour of the Q's they had encountered. So damn superior, yet they had the same problems as any humanoid, she thought and could actually smile at it, even if the female Q's words about failed romances in her pitiful existence had stung. Not that she had failed romances per se; she didn't even have any romances. Unbidden Tom entered her thoughts. Unlike that female Q she hadn't even had a romance. She sighed and stopped in front of the turbolift, waiting for it to arrive and open its doors.

As soon she wasn't absorbed by her work he had a tendency to saunter in to her thoughts. It wasn't just her thoughts he occupied. Far too often to be a coincident, he happened to show up where she was. Not that it was that hard to keep track of her schedule and habits, regular as they were, but she was becoming very aware of the fact that he sought her company. The fact was that she was starting to feel cornered. She wasn't ready to admit that she was attracted to him, correction, that she was in love with him, but he made it very difficult to distance herself from him and her emotions. Sometimes when he stood a bit too close she had to fight the urge to draw in his scent, something she knew would lead to her being unable to control herself. In many ways she was far more Klingon than she liked. The only way she knew how to handle those situations was to put some distance between them while trying to not give in to the urge to start baiting him, forcing him to react aggressively. If that happened... she coloured as she tried to banish the explicit images that popped up in her mind.

The lift doors opened and she stepped inside. "Deck nine," she ordered and the lift started to move.

70 years, she thought and leaned back on a lift wall. She had known that they could be on Voyager a substantial part of her life, but she hadn't really let herself dwell on the impact it would have on her life. This evening she finally had started to think about it, and it was all Q's fault. She never imagined herself wanting a family, or even a stable relationship, but when thinking about the fact that it could be 70 years before they came home, she suddenly felt she would soon have to actually make some decisions or others would take them for her.

The lift stopped and she stepped through the open door, heading for her quarters.

"Computer, lights at full intensity," she called out when she entered her quarters. As she walked through the room, she picked up some clothes she had left on various places, mostly the backs of chairs and on the couch and threw them in the recycler. Keeping her place tidy wasn't a priority of hers and she wondered how Tom and Harry managed to keep their quarters in such order. She was neither motivated nor found the time.

A relatively quick shower later she sat down by her improvised work station and turned on her computer. Lately Tom had started sending small messages to her and it had resulted in her always checking if there were any new ones before leaving for work and before going to bed. There were nothing special about them; reminders of things he and Harry were planning that he wished her to join in on, if he had read a book he liked, sympathy when he knew she'd had a bad day, philosophical outbursts, anything that was personal and friendly. At first she hadn't wanted to respond to them but before she knew it she was drawn in, sending replies. At times she caught herself thinking that something was worth sharing with Tom that way, but so far she hadn't. It was bad enough that she was replying, sending her own would make her feel like she was letting him too far in to her life.

The PM icon was flashing at her and she quickly opened the message, rationalising her eagerness as efficiency, not wanting to put off going to bed.

_Rumours has it you've earned yourself a sleep-in tomorrow. If you're up to it we're having a little gathering at my place this evening. Nothing fancy, just what ever you want to drink and snacks plus good stories. A little bird told me you might have a couple of good ones. If you're too tired, I hope you sleep well._

_/ Tom_

So much for discretion, she grumbled and turned off the computer. A little bird? Most likely Carey, she thought. Was she up to it? She crossed her arms and leaned on the back of the chair and stared at the wall. Decision made, she slowly rose from the chair and walked towards the bed.

"Computer, turn off ceiling lights," she said and crawled in to the bed and reached out for the book on her bedside table. She wouldn't expose herself to the charms of Tom Paris this evening.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Macrocosm_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. So what happened before Tom and B'Elanna finally passed out?

* * *

><p>"<em>*I must inform you that I'm having difficulties getting to you. The virus has spread outside the containment field and in its macro state it is preventing me from getting to you. I'm trying to find a way around them, but it's not easy,*<em>" the EMH said.

"Doc, is there anything I can do for these people in the meantime, aside from the usual stuff?" Tom asked as he started to lean on to the back of a chair.

"_*Mr. Paris, you're not in such a splendid condition yourself,*_" the EMH said drily. "_*I know because I can keep track of your vital signs from here.*_"

"Oh I'm very aware of that," Tom said bleakly. "How bad is it? I mean, is this deadly, like those plagues Earth had centuries ago, or will our immune system beat this?" he continued.

"_*At this point I can't say. All I can say is that it's serious. Very serious indeed,*_" the Doctor reluctantly said.

"But there must be things that can be done while you work on getting here?" Tom asked.

"_*The only thing you can do is to try and keep people from becoming de-hydrated, which is easier said than done considering that everyone is suffering from nausea. Try and keep them as cool as you can. Rest is advisable of course, and that means you as well. EMH out,*_" the EMH said and ended the transmission.

Tom leaned his head down between his arms. He was not only nauseous but also suffering from vertigo. The fever was still on the rise and because of it he was shivering. He looked up again and forced himself upright. There were people to take care of. Slowly he managed to distribute some water, though most could hardly even swallow a teaspoon of it. Getting people to at least take off their jacket was difficult since the fever still hadn't peaked; people were still feeling cold. Those who were able to walk or do something to help the others, he ordered to help out. Finally he sat down next to B'Elanna again who sat curled up, leaning her head on her knees with her eyes closed. It was strange to see her being affected this way since she was one of the few aboard who very rarely complained over cuts, bruises or any other injuries, or even got simple colds or worse. She had been the first to get infected but he hadn't expected her to become this sick. This had to be one potent virus.

For once he had the opportunity to watch her without her being aware of the fact, but it was hard to appreciate it. Not only because he felt so ill, but also because he worried about her.

"B'Elanna, how are you doing?" he asked softly and reached out to touch her face to try and gauge if the fever was still on the rise. His mother had always checked fevers by putting her lips on his forehead, a method she claimed was superior to the use of hands, but somehow he didn't think B'Elanna would see it for what it was. Besides, he had a fever himself which would make it impossible to tell how high the fever was. At this point he could only tell if she had started to sweat, indicating that the fever had peaked. She barely opened her eyes when he touched her cheek.

"Hi Tom. I'm cold," she replied and remained curled up.

"I know. Your fever is still rising. Can you drink some?" He moved closer so he could help her with the water.

She shook her head. "How come you're not as affected as I am?" she asked with a weak voice and glanced at him through her eyelashes.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because you were infected first. I'm a mere human after all so I'll probably be as sick as you shortly," he said with a smile.

She smiled weakly and closed her eyes. "Well, I don't feel any Klingon superiority right now," she sighed. "I hope I won't get delirium."

"You get that?" he asked with concern.

"You know, when Klingons do get sick, they really get sick. It's a misguided belief that we can't get sick or injured. We do actually get infections, break bones and catch illnesses. Just not that often. Well, maybe injuries. I tend to cut myself on all sorts of things." She glanced up at him. "So yeah, if I get fever, I get delirious." She closed her eyes again.

"In that case I strongly suggest you try and drink some," Tom said with a firm voice and reached for the glass and spoon he had put on the table next to them.

"I really can't drink, Tom," she whined and turned her head away from him.

"Just a teaspoon at the time. And you really need to cool down too. Fever delirium I caused by heat, so it's possible to stave it off if we can keep the fever from rising that high." He moved his chair closer and reached out to hold her while spoon feeding her the water in the glass.

B'Elanna weakly tried to fend him off while inarticulately whining but was unsuccessful. Quickly yielding, she carefully swallowed the water. "I hate you," she growled after swallowing it.

"Flattery isn't getting you anywhere. Here, you need more," he said with a light manner, as light as he could muster, and continued to feed her with water.

"I really can't take more," she breathlessly said and hung her head.

"How about taking some clothes off then?" Tom said, wincing inside at what it sounded like.

She glanced up at him. "I'm sure you'd like that," she said sarcastically.

"You need to keep that fever down so you don't get delirium. I can't lower the temperature here in the mess hall, but if you have less clothes on you won't retain heat the same way. Hopefully it will be enough," he tried to explain, painfully aware that he sounded like the blabbering idiot he usually turned in to when in B'Elanna's presence.

She closed her eyes again. "I'm cold," she whined.

"It's because the fever haven't peaked yet," Tom answered patiently.

"I'm not taking anything off. It's too cold in here. Klingons hate cold." She managed to sound reasonably firm.

"In that case you need to drink more," he stated.

"Why are you tormenting me like this? Go away!" she complained and tried to turn away from him again.

"It's because I care about you B'Elanna," he replied and reached for the spoon again.

"Right," she snorted weakly.

"Open your mouth B'Elanna," he ordered her and she obeyed. "And yes, I really do care," he continued.

"Leave me alone, Tom. You have no idea what you're doing," she whispered and hung her head.

"Yes I do. I may not be a doctor but I have basic medical training. Trust me, I know what to do about fevers." He once again filled the spoon.

B'Elanna snorted silently. Oh Tom, you're so dense sometimes, she thought but said nothing, only swallowed another spoonful of water. Even through the haze of fever she felt it, the way his presence affected her, but fortunately for her she was far to sick to have to worry about it.

"There must be others you can pester," she said and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"A whole room filled actually. I will, if I can move, that is. I'm not feeling too great myself," he said and took a deep breath to try and hold down the nausea. He was becoming increasingly dizzy and nauseated, making it difficult to help B'Elanna or himself. He closed his eyes and felt a burning sensation in his eyes. I really should drink, he thought and opened his eyes to look at the glass. It was nearly empty. There was no way he would manage to walk over to the galley and get some more. He closed his eyes again. Maybe he should try and rest some, he thought. He opened his eyes and looked down at B'Elanna.

"I'm going to help you lie down," he said and started to move.

"You don't sound too good," she mumbled and tried to sit up.

"You're right. I'm not," was all he could say as he tried to get them both down on the floor without letting the law of physics do it for him. B'Elanna curled up on her side once down on the floor and he lied down next to her and closed his eyes. "We're just going to rest now and hope Doc comes up with something." B'Elanna didn't answer but he didn't have the energy to turn his head to look at her. Doc, hurry up with that antidote, he thought and gave in to darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Fair Trade_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. It's picking up speed but our resident half-Klingon is having issues with trust. With good reason. Flyboy on the other hand is mulling over how to win over a half-Klingon.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna walked in to the mess hall immediately spotting Tom, sitting with his back towards her gazing out through the viewport, all alone. Granted, the mess hall was rather empty, but still, someone surely had a kind word for the lieutenant after the events lately? But no, apparently not.<p>

As usual her inside turned chaotic when detecting his presence. She was drawn to him in a way someone not at least part Klingon could understand, yet she feared it and did everything she could to keep it undetected. In turn that meant she had to fight not only the will to walk over and pull him out of that chair and taste his blood, but also the urge to flee before she did something she'd regret. Today she fought both urges successfully, took a deep breath and decided she'd be a friend in what she suspected was a dark moment.

She walked over to the galley to find it empty. Neelix would be scrubbing manifolds for a while so she wasn't too surprised that he was absent. The coffee dispenser was full though, she concluded and reached for a mug to pour her some. With mug in hand she set a course for the table where Tom sat. Before reaching the table she straightened and made sure she looked like her usual self.

"Hey flyboy," B'Elanna said with a lopsided smile and put down her mug on the table.

Tom averted his gaze from the viewport, tilted his head slightly while narrowing his eyes. "Hey B'Elanna," he replied with that voice that always made her uncertain. His gaze was piercing and she felt like he could actually read her mind. Of course he couldn't, she chastised herself. He was just acting enigmatic to throw her off.

"You definitely have the record for incarceration in the neighbourhood," she said lightly and sat down on the other side of the table in front of him.

"Tell me about it. It's not getting better with time, that much I can tell you," he said and his mood visibly took a plunge. Her heart sank too. She hadn't meant to remind him of his more painful past, just to lighten things up. Quickly she decided she could just as well continue on the subject instead of sweeping it under the imaginary rug.

"I haven't talked to Chakotay yet so I don't know what happened," she begun. "This place seem like a pretty rough place to end up behind bars in," she suggested.

Tom sighed, let his eyes wander for a moment before he met her eyes again. "No, it was the usual humiliation. It seems universal where ever you go. Physical abuse is one thing, but the search... " he glanced away for a moment. "It's never easy," he concluded. "It's about power of course. I know that, but it doesn't make it easier to bear when it happens."

Instinctively she reached out and put her hand on his but the moment she touched him she winced inwardly. This was a really bad idea, she knew it, but now that she had reached out she had to follow it through. I'm just being a friend, she repeated to herself, ignoring the warmth and stopped herself from drawing in his scent. Breathe normally, she ordered herself.

"I'm sorry Tom. I really don't know what else to say. It's not like I have been through something like that," she said softly, pleased that her voice was steady and sounded like it should.

He looked down at her hand for a moment and B'Elanna winced inwardly once more. Of course he'd notice. It wasn't like she was showering people with physical contact so something like this stood out.

"I know. Thank you," he said and looked up at her and smiled a joyless smile. "At least it was me who got the rough treatment. I know Chakotay doesn't like seeing me being mistreated, but I wasn't the captain. That would have been a lot worse for him."

She nodded and sighed. "Do you think she'll change her mind? About Chakotay, I mean," she asked.

Tom shook his head. "No, unfortunately I don't think so. I'm sure he knows. He just can't help it. I completely understand him though. It's impossible to not fall head over heels when you find that kind of a woman," he mused.

B'Elanna slowly pulled her hand back hoping he wouldn't notice. That hope was in vain it seemed, because he instantly looked down at her hand and then raised his eyes to meet hers.

"No B'Elanna. I'm not secretly in love with the captain," he gently told her.

Her eyes darted away and she gripped the mug with both her hands. "I didn't think you were," she replied. She looked back at him for a moment before looking down at the content in her mug. She lifted it and drank.

Tom sighed. "I just meant that when you find someone who is your kind of person, strong, independent, intelligent, and you spend so much time in that person's presence as we do here on Voyager, you will fall in love. Even if you really have no hope that this person will reciprocate any feelings," he said quietly looking steadily at B'Elanna.

When she didn't look up or say anything he picked up his mug to drink. He was uncertain how to act and what to say. From his point of view, what he just said should send the message that he was talking about himself, not Chakotay, and that the person he was talking about was herself, B'Elanna, and no one else. Did she understand? He couldn't tell if she did, and he definitely couldn't tell if she had any intentions of returning any affection either. This was as open as he dared to be at this point. Making a fool of himself again was not on his agenda.

Harry's advice to be honest and upfront made sense – if she had been 100% human. She wasn't. She was theoretically half-human, and therein lay the problem. He wanted to know just how much of the Klingon heritage she had inherited, but it wasn't like he could ask her. By what she had said and how she acted he concluded that it was a substantial part of her, but her human side was there - he had seen it ever since the Vidiians had separated her Klingon and human DNA. Question was, should he act all human?

He looked down at the mug he had in his hands.

As far as he knew she didn't have much love for her Klingon side, not officially anyway, but that didn't automatically mean she'd respond well to a fully human approach. Could he do it the Klingon way? Answer: no. Of course he couldn't, he was human and to be honest he didn't know how to do anything in a Klingon way. Perhaps it would be best if he accepted that he could only be himself and act accordingly.

On the other side of the table B'Elanna looked up and watched as he swirled the content in his mug around. He seemed deep in thought and she knew that now was a good time for a hasty departure to escape this situation. She knew his words about that special someone had been meant for her, but she just couldn't make herself trust him or let him closer. Not yet. Possibly never.

She looked down at the mug in her hands and in that moment she for the first time articulated to herself that B'Elanna Torres was afraid of real closeness in general, and letting Tom in to her life in particular. Human males were not to be trusted; she had seen that in her father's behaviour and in Tom's. Her father had definitely not understood what a commitment meant to a Klingon and she feared Tom would lack the same understanding. Now, she wasn't sure she would face the same difficulties as her mother if she entered a relationship which later fell apart, but she was afraid to risk it. How could she ever explain this to Tom? If she tried she was certain he would simply feel encouraged. At the thought of it she felt panic well up inside. Breathe, she reminded herself.

"Are you okay?" Tom asked and looked at her with concern.

B'Elanna snapped her head up. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about... work. Actually, I need to get back down to engineering," she blurted and rose from her chair. "See you later," she said and turned and walked briskly out of the mess hall.

He watched her disappear. "Work," he snorted to himself. He wondered if she ever would be comfortable around him and he once again cursed his incredible stupidity to ask her on a date. The coffee was cold and no longer palatable, so he rose from the chair he had occupied, picked up both mugs and went over to the recycler and then left the mess hall.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Alter Ego_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Did anyone think for a moment that B'Elanna would let Vorik entertain her all evening during that luau? Of course not.

* * *

><p>Tom spotted B'Elanna as she walked briskly towards him, not looking like she was particularly enjoying herself.<p>

"So how was that table for two overlooking the lake?" he asked lightly as she stopped in front of him.

She looked up at him. "Good location, pretty views. Woody conversation," she replied and irritation seeped in to her voice. "Ensign Vorik is a capable engineer but he's not much of a conversationalist."

Tom chuckled. "He's Vulcan. What did you expect?" he asked.

"Less warp theory? I don't know. He's a decent enough colleague and I think he's trying to interact with the rest of us, but... " she blew out air. "He just doesn't have a clue," she concluded.

Tom gazed at her. She really didn't seem to see it, he thought. Vorik's attention was blatantly clear to anyone who kept their eyes on B'Elanna for five minutes, but somehow she seemed to have missed it completely. Perhaps she was ignoring it.

"Want more?" he asked as she placed the empty drink on a tray being carried past them.

"Something less spectacular would be fine." She followed the flamboyant beverage container with her eyes as it disappeared. "And with considerably less alcohol content," she quickly added and looked back at Tom.

"Of course," he said and walked over to the bar. B'Elanna slowly strolled after him looking around. The luau was in full swing and she nodded at people walking past. At a table on the other side of the open space she spotted the captain and Chakotay deep in discussion about something, all smiles and laughter. This evening the captain seemed to have left her captaincy on the bridge to become Kathryn Janeway. For Chakotay's sake B'Elanna hoped the captain would change her mind. She turned back towards the bar from where Tom now returned with two glasses in his hands.

"I got you plain orange juice, no umbrellas and glittery stuff," he said and held out one of the glasses towards her. "Nothing beats that kind of simplicity."

She took the glass from his hand, still keeping the captain and Chakotay in view. Tom followed her line of sight and discovered the pair as well.

"Look at that. That is definitely a woman in love," he exclaimed with a wide grin.

"And a man," B'Elanna said leaning closer to Tom as she said it so she could keep her voice down.

Tom looked down at her and smiled. "For his sake I really hope she will change her mind. She must know what something like this will do to him. Romantic atmosphere, them being able to forget about responsibility, civilian clothing... That could make anyone star struck," he mused.

B'Elanna peered up at him. "If it's the right person you're sharing the table with," she pointed out and made a face.

"Oh right," he said and chuckled again. "Ensign Vorik doesn't quite have the same charm as those two," Tom said and stirred the beverage with his straw before drinking.

"Not nearly," she said drily and had a sip of her juice as well.

He watched her for a moment as she was drinking. "B'Elanna, I don't think Vorik was just trying to fit in with that reservation for two," he said hesitatingly.

She looked at him. "You mean he's attracted to me," she replied. "Don't think I didn't notice. He's as subtle as a warp core breach."

"Something along those lines, though I'm not so sure he would admit to being attracted to anyone," he admitted with a lopsided smile.

B'Elanna burst out in to laughter. "What ever is he seeing in me?" she asked.

Tom raised his eyebrows. "I can think of several things actually," he answered.

"Really? I'm half Klingon. If there are any opposites in this universe, it has to Klingons and Vulcans. How could he ever think we have anything in common?" she pointed out in disbelief.

"On the surface it may look that way," Tom said. "You do actually have similarities. You are intelligent, both engineers and physically strong. And you're beautiful." B'Elanna looked away hoping Tom wouldn't notice that she was blushing. "As far as I know, Vorik isn't married. Logical as he is he has probably been looking at the female population and come to the conclusion that you are the one he should choose," he continued.

"How romantic," she said sarcastically.

"Vulcans aren't making decisions based on romance. Love is an emotion, so naturally that doesn't have much to do with it," Tom reminded her.

"Look, we're like oil and water so if it's a relationship he's after he'll have to look elsewhere," she said with emphasis.

"Tell him that, not me!" Tom laughed, inwardly sighing with relief. Not that he had been seriously worried, but the way Vorik had whisked her away earlier had rubbed him the wrong way.

She glared at him. He looked amused and pleased at the same time and she wanted to kick herself for telling him what she thought about Vorik. "I'll just ignore it. Surely he'll understand that I'm not interested if I keep treating him like a colleague?" she said and had some more of her juice.

He looked at her with amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Absolutely," he chuckled.

She sighed. "Why is this place starting to feel like the Love Boat?" she asked wearily.

"You know why," he said lightly. "Being far away from home without a real hope of coming home before old age... Life is happening here and now." He glanced at her but as she met his eyes she quickly looked away. He continued in a more serious manner. "Personally I think that because Voyager is such a small ship people will be more careful with which person they decide to pursue. There are consequences if things don't work out here, that you don't have back home. There's nowhere to hide and you can't ask to be transferred somewhere else." He tried to catch her eyes but she kept looking at people passing.

"I don't know about that," she said coolly and drank some juice again.

"Time will tell," Tom replied.

B'Elanna cleared her throat and threw him a glance. "So... ah, how's dating going then?" she asked trying to sound casual, but failing.

"That Lake Como suggestion wasn't very popular as you know, so no, dating isn't going very well at the moment," he deadpanned. In the corner of his eye he saw her blush and quickly look away. "You?" he continued.

"Ah, well, no. On the other hand I haven't actually tried to date. Yet. And I don't think I will. I'd rather not talk about it," she said and finished off her juice.

"Want more?" Tom asked.

"Actually, I think it's time to call it a night. Thanks," she said with a clipped voice.

"Sweet dreams," he said lightly.

She turned her head towards him and gave him a long look. "Thanks, I will." She turned and walked towards the exit.

Tom had lost count how many times he had seen this happen; him watching B'Elanna leave, but somehow he felt he perhaps were getting somewhere. All he needed was time and patience, and he had both. He turned and walked towards the bar to get himself something more to drink.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Coda_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Last one before _Blood Fever_! The episodes _Alter Ego_ and _Coda_ are 7 days apart, therefore Harry is still suffering from his bewitchment, which leads him to bring up a couple of important points – and ruin things for Tom.

* * *

><p>"Have you heard the latest news?" Harry said as he stopped next to B'Elanna and handed her a padd.<p>

She looked up and frowned. "That depends on what you mean by the latest," she said and returned her focus to the console in front of her placing the padd next to her.

"The captain almost died," he said seriously.

B'Elanna snapped her head up and looked at him. "What?" she said and looked at Harry in disbelief.

"She and commander Chakotay crashed with the shuttle and she was critically injured. The Doctor and Tuvok went down there and managed to revive her," he continued.

She stared at Harry. "Kahless! Is she alright?" she asked with concern.

"Fortunately yes. I don't know the details, but she's back on Voyager and is being treated in sickbay for her injuries," he explained.

"And Chakotay?" she continued to ask.

"Nothing serious. Cuts and bruises. But according to what I heard he was quite shaken by her near death," Harry continued and sighed. "We could have lost them both. Again."

B'Elanna looked down. Both of them. What a horrible thought, she mused and the usual fear she had of losing friends welled up.

"Next meeting we're having I'm going to suggest that those two aren't allowed to go on missions together. It's been close twice now and even though I think it would have worked better with Tuvok as captain this time around, it's still a bad idea to send both of them on an away team," he said, starting to sound quite annoyed

She looked up at him. "I just think they wanted some time alone," she suggested.

"And it nearly cost us both of them! If they want to have time for themselves they should go to the holdecks or their quarters. They shouldn't use an away mission as an excuse!"

It was starting to sound like a rant to B'Elanna. "Don't you think you're a bit... hard on them? The rest of us would probably do the exact same thing. I prefer working with people I get along with," she said hesitatingly, a bit surprised by his annoyance.

"But you and I aren't in command," Harry reminded her.

"No, but I'm the chief engineer and you're the senior operations officer and we've been crucial in solving engineering related problems like no one else on this ship. We shouldn't go together for that reason alone." She paused. "This is a small ship. We can't always think about things like that," she continued.

"True, but they went together because of personal reasons, and they're our commanding officers. They shouldn't have done it," Harry protested.

Steps were heard behind them and they both turned their heads to find out who was approaching.

"Hey, I see the rumour mill is hard at work," Tom greeted them and held out a padd towards B'Elanna, coming to a halt slightly too close to her, invading her personal space. "Here. Could you go over the technical data from the crashed shuttle, please? I'm going to look at the flight logs, and I was going to ask you Harry," he glanced over at his friend, "to chat with the commander and captain later when they're up to it. I suggest we meet later and compare the data, tomorrow perhaps?" He looked expectantly at B'Elanna. Harry pressed his lips together and started to look annoyed again.

"Since when did this become a group assignment?" B'Elanna asked and took the padd slowly from his hand. She tilted her head slightly and peered up at him in a somewhat teasing manner.

"Since Chakotay wanted this fast. My scheduled duty shifts the coming 24 hours makes it a bit difficult to meet his time table so I decided to ask the most competent people on this ship to help me out. It would really be helpful," Tom said, wearing his best smile as he looked down at her.

B'Elanna pointed at him with the padd. "Save the flattery flyboy," she replied with a lopsided smile. "But I'll look at it since you're asking nicely," she continued.

Tom put his hand on the console behind her back inching himself closer to her. "I appreciate it B'Elanna," he said softly.

She opened her mouth to answer but was cut off by Harry. "You two? Get a room," he scolded. Tom and B'Elanna turned their heads to look at him, both with surprise.

"They crashed and when you're discussing the investigation, you start flirting? This is exactly why the captain almost died, because people are letting their personal life interfere with their work," Harry lectured.

B'Elanna looked away and then down on the floor, shrinking away from Tom who stood silent for a moment. "Harry, I think you're overreacting," Tom said calmly.

"Why would they fly off together, unless they... You know they have some sort of relationship," Harry pointed out.

"Yes, they obviously have some warmer feelings toward each other, but they're keeping it to themselves," Tom said.

"But they shouldn't have left the ship together!" Harry exclaimed.

"That may very well be the recommendation that comes out of this investigation," Tom replied. "Let's do this investigation and see what the results are and then make the suggestions, okay?"

B'Elanna looked up and glared at Harry. "If you two gentlemen are done, I suggest you go and do something useful so I can get back to work," she said coldly.

Tom looked back at her. "Sure. I'm coming back to you on when the meeting is," he said lightly, ignoring the shift in atmosphere. "Come on Harry, we've got other things to do," he continued.

The two men left and B'Elanna put down the padd Tom had given her and turned back to what she had been doing. As Tom and Harry reached the corridor Tom stopped and looked at his friend.

"Okay Harry, what's wrong?" Tom asked. "It's not like you to act like this."

Harry stopped as well and sighed. "I'm sorry Tom. I'm annoyed because... It's just days since this Marayna thing," he explained and hung his head. "I didn't mean to let it out on you guys. But the thing is, in essence I do think we all need to work harder on separating personal and professional life. I'm as much to blame as anyone. I lost focus completely when Marayna showed up, and that's just not okay."

"I think you're a bit hard on yourself Harry. We all do mistakes. Hopefully we learn something from them. As for personal and professional life, well, without the personal life we might not even get home, so we have to live with it. It's not like anyone has acted completely improperly losing focus. I agree that because the captain and Chakotay do get along very well, they like to work together. It's not like they couldn't handle the situation though. Yes, the captain was injured, but the quick look I've had on the material so far indicate that they were acting professionally."

Harry looked up and nodded. "I kind of ruined things for you just now, didn't I?"

"B'Elanna will be like a porcupine with quills on end for weeks because of what you said," Tom complained and started walking.

"I'm sorry Tom," Harry apologised and caught up with him.

"You owe me to come up with something. It really feels like one step forward and two back right now," Tom said and sighed.

"How about you simply telling her?" Harry asked. "Did I forget to give you that advice before? No, I'm sure I did. Tell her."

"I'm not listening to you," Tom said and stopped at the turbolift. "She must feel _she_ can take the step or I'll end up like after Lake Como again."

"Tell her!" Harry said. The turbolift doors opened and they walked inside.

"No. She'll run like a deer if I do that," Tom explained.

"At some point you'll have to confront her or you'll never get anywhere," Harry persisted.

The doors closed.

"Deck one," Tom said and was silent for a moment avoiding to look at Harry. "I'll think about it."

Harry threw up his hands. "You're a coward," he concluded.

"I'm not. I just don't want to scare her off," Tom replied.

Silence fell as the lift travelled upwards through the ship.

"I'll think about it," Tom said again as the lift stopped and let them out. Harry chuckled.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Blood Fever_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. There have been so much focus on this episode with countless what-if fics written as well as missing scenes. Expectations are high on anything written around this episode. I have chosen to make this a low key instalment, the calm after a perfect storm.

* * *

><p>Pain, all sorts of pain... his scent... voices... light...<p>

B'Elanna snapped out of her half slumber and opened her eyes wide staring in to the relative darkness of her quarters. She felt no pain, only a slight twinge in her side. Raising her head from the pillow and looking down she remembered that her ribs had suffered from the fight with Vorik. They had been healed but according to the EMH she would be soar in that region for a few days. She let her head fall back on the pillow.

The chronometer told her that it was almost midnight. The past hours she had dozed off for short periods – five, ten, fifteen minutes – only to wake up from fragmented dreams about the events of the day. It was to be expected that she would have difficulties sleeping normally, the Doctor had told her. However, she was growing weary of this, the interrupted slumber, the dreams, the reminders of what had happened.

"Computer, bedside lamp at 30%," she ordered. The light would help with the disorientation when she woke up after slumbering, she decided and sighed. It was a bit like having a fever, but without the spiking temperature. She glanced at the padd on her bedside table but decided she wouldn't be able to concentrate on it.

Her thoughts cycled back to her day. Some of it she only dimly remembered while others stood out, sharp and vivid. The weariness seemed to have exhausted and turned off her Klingon temper, making it possible to look at what had happened with more clarity than usual. She was embarrassed, there was no getting around that. It hadn't been anything she could control, but it didn't matter, embarrassed she was. What mortified her the most was that she had lost control over her aggression and instincts. The defences and techniques she used to handle her reactions to the world and people around her had failed. It was her worst nightmare come true.

Right after the fight with Vorik she had been rather numb and it had felt natural to reach out for support from Tom, but as the effects of her now cured condition wore off she felt increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. She had challenged him, fought him, been unable to stop herself from tasting his blood and let all her Klingon instincts take over, showing a side she was sure would scare anyone off. It scared herself.

B'Elanna quickly threw her covers to the side, got out of bed and padded over to the replicator.

"Water, cold," she ordered and when it had materialised she picked it up and drank eagerly. It did nothing to banish the memories flooding her mind. She leaned her back against the wall and put the cool glass against her cheek and closed her eyes. In all of this her admission to Tom about what she really felt seemed the lesser evil. That in itself could have been explained away with excuses, but her behaviour on the other hand... Her legs gave out under her and she sank to her knees when she realised that everyone, Tom, Chakotay, the Doctor, captain Janeway, Tuvok and by now most of the ship, if the grapevine worked as it usually did, knew what she had done. Those who didn't already know much about Klingon habits would soon be enlightened. There were no secrets when it came to Klingons.

Slowly she opened her eyes and stared at the stars outside her viewport and realised she couldn't lie to herself. She had done what she had wished she dared to do for so long. It had happened and she had no idea how deal with the consequences from her actions.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

The yellow dot-eating little thing moved around in the labyrinth to a plain beeping sound. It was a simple game but it had a tendency to draw you in, something which suited Tom at the moment. A quick glance at the chronometer revealed that it was nearly midnight. As he turned his attention back to the game he hissed at his lack of focus, and the sound of a dying pac man was heard. With a sigh he let the padd sink to his side as he sat wondering if he should switch to tetris instead.

Instead of coming to a decision he rose, leaving the padd on the couch, and walked over to the replicator.

"Water, cold," he ordered. Perhaps he should try the bed anyway, he mused as he picked up the water and went over to the viewport. His mind was still spinning but it would definitely be easier to fall asleep if he actually went to bed. When looking down on the planet hanging outside the viewport he sighed again and lifted the glass to drink.

He had paid little attention to Vorik as he and B'Elanna collapsed, but he noticed that Vorik seemed to recover faster than the half-Klingon he had caught in his arms. Even though B'Elanna was physically strong she wasn't Vulcan, and it became clear that her half-human physiology had a tougher time recovering. When Harry finally could contact them with the news that they could be beamed up, she was awake but unable to stand on her own. Knowing she wouldn't appreciate being carried through the ship, from the transporter room to sickbay, he asked Harry to beam them directly to sickbay.

The captain had showed up in sickbay, talked briefly with Vorik and B'Elanna before turning to him asking to speak to him in private. B'Elanna's dark eyes had followed him as he walked with the captain to the EMH's office, and he guessed that she was beginning to agonise over what had transpired on the planet.

Captain Janeway stood glancing through the glass at the two patients being treated by the EMH and Kes.

"I generally have no intention to intrude in people's private lives, but this... " she sighed and turned her head towards Tom. "This isn't private any more."

Tom nodded and stared out through the glass at Vorik. What the captain said held a promise that there would be consequences for the Vulcan ensign, something he agreed there had to be. He was glad he wouldn't be involved in that process though.

"There's no hurry with the report on this and since we're in orbit and will stay here for at least another 36 hours I suggest you take some time off," captain Janeway continued.

"I'm fine ma'am," he pointed out.

"I'm sure you are, but I still think it's wise for you to have some time to yourself – away from prying eyes," Janeway replied.

Conversation over he went to his quarters and tried to figure out what to do. A shower and some food later he had picked up a padd to immerse himself in 20th century games to keep his thoughts from spinning.

He finished off his water and looked down at the glass. All evening his thoughts had circled back to the question how to handle this. He believed she told him the truth down on the planet, and it was encouraging, but he knew it would still be complicated. With a brief smile he turned away from the viewport and headed for the bathroom, disposing the glass in the recycler on the way. It was time to try to sleep some.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Unity_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. While Chakotay flies off to be seduced by the devil (as Robbie McNeill put it to Robert Beltran while filming this episode) one small step is taken on Voyager.

* * *

><p>"This place is as exciting as watching a stone," Tom complained and waved towards the viewport.<p>

B'Elanna gave him a look somewhere between annoyance and disbelief. "You're kidding me. The past month we have known we're in Borg territory and now we've found them. Or at least one of their dead ships. Or what ever you can say about that thing," she said and leaned back against the back of her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Even when we run in to something potentially dangerous, it's dead. Says a lot about this place," Tom replied.

"Don't you get too comfortable flyboy. That thing out there? It may look dead, but if something causes it to go back to its original programming, it's back in business and will come after us," she said ruefully.

"It can't just do that, can it?" he asked in disbelief.

"I can't say. It's been sitting there for five years so it seems unlikely, but I don't know if there's anything that can be triggered in any way, from inside the cube or from a distance. We simply know too little about the Borg." She came to a hesitating halt and looked down. He had that look again; when it seemed like he was looking right through her, looking like he wasn't thinking about the subject at hand at all. The past month she had been on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far it had been quiet. Tom had for the most part been his usual self, treating her pretty much like before, with a little less flirting perhaps. Actually with a lot less flirting. Instead he sought her out for a chat over coffee, a run in the woods on the holodeck, proposing working dinners, being friendly and sincere. But he was watching her, and she knew it. Sometimes when they were talking he would end up simply looking at her while she tried to keep the conversation going, and though he wore his best poker face she instinctively knew that he couldn't care less about what she was saying. She sighed inwardly. Several times the past month she had tried to muster up courage to reach out to the man sitting in front of her, but every time she opened her mouth to say the magic words which would set the landslide in motion, she just couldn't speak. Before the blood fever she had been comfortably relying on Tom to be the one to keep things going, the one to flirt and come with ambiguous suggestions, but no more. It was clear it was up to her what would happen next.

Tom tilted his mug absentmindedly as he watched B'Elanna. He wished he could say something, but to be honest he didn't know how to broach the subject without coming across as a blabbering idiot. Besides, he wanted her to come to a decision on her own, not being pressured by him. However, time was ticking and he was beginning to become impatient. He wanted to act or say something, anything for some progress however small it was. In this case it didn't serve him to become impatient, and he hated the fact that he often felt bored, but he couldn't help it. It was in his nature to seek action, even in his personal life. With a slight sigh he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was not used to this. Before B'Elanna came along, stable wasn't in his vocabulary. After Caldik Prime he'd had good reason, at least in his own opinion, but it had also suited his temperament better, he had to admit that. However, this time it wasn't just an infatuation. Every time he thought about abandoning the whole pursuit, go on with his life, he just needed to hear her voice, catch a glimpse of her small frame, and he knew he couldn't. Over time he had formed an attachment to her that he never had with anyone before. The only thing he could do was wait.

On the other side of the table B'Elanna took a deep breath and looked up. "Um, I was thinking... " her voice trailed off and she bit her lip. Tom looked up and watched her keenly. "You've said you wanted to know more about Klingon culture," she blurted.

He nodded carefully, not giving anything away. "True. Do you have anything specific in mind?" His mind was racing. Keep calm Tommy boy, he chastised himself. Don't push it.

"Well, I wasn't particularly keen on Klingon culture myself, but it was impossible to ignore it, especially when we lived on Qo'noS. Once I left home for Earth I didn't want to think about anything Klingon. But I am what I am and I perhaps need to face it... And since you've kept asking me I figured you really was interested. I mean, there's this course at Starfleet Academy, " she made a face before continuing, "Klingon 101. Do you have any idea how I felt when they were giving those lectures? The questions that inevitably would come, how people sought me out to discuss anything Klingon or just pick a fight so I would show my famous Klingon anger... It didn't exactly make me feel better about being half-Klingon." She paused. "I guess you already know what's in that course," she continued with a flat voice.

Tom nodded, straightened in the seat and looked down at his hands still holing the mug. "Klingon anatomy and history, yeah, got the basics in that," he replied before looking up again. "But you know, it's a very different thing to learn what it means to be a Klingon from you."

B'Elanna looked away for a moment, watching the other people in the mess hall. "I still don't particularly like my Klingon side." She paused and looked back at Tom. "It's perhaps not as hateful as I thought as a child though." She paused again and looked down at her own mug sitting untouched in front of her. "There are some decent programs in the database... We could take a look if you want to. I mean, you don't have to. You don't need to feel like there's any pressure or anything," she quickly said and glanced up at him.

Tom leaned forward and caught her eyes. "I want to B'Elanna. Just say when."

She glanced down at her mug, then let her eyes quickly dart around the nearest tables before she was able to muster up enough courage to meet his eyes again. "Once Chakotay is back I'll have a hole in the schedule... " She didn't finish the sentence.

Tom nodded. "Sounds good to me," he said and smiled warmly.

B'Elanna took a deep breath. She had taken the plunge.


	18. Chapter 18

**A note from the author.**

As you know I haven't exactly been posting often the past five months and the the reason for this is my job. I have a physically demanding job and though I sleep soundly because of it, it also drains my creativity. No no creativity means no writing.

1½ months ago I got news that I was supposed to be laid off September 28th. Not great news financially of course but on the positive side a less arduous occupation would mean more time and more energy for my creativity which in theory would lead to me writing again.

Events have now taken a new turn and it seems I will not be among those leaving prematurely after all. How long I'll still have this job I don't know, but for now it stretches well in to October, and if I'm really lucky I may even get employment over winter. What this means for my writing I think you can imagine. Right now I definitely can't write because things are in the balance.

At this point all I can say is that I'm sorry. I haven't stopped writing these missing scenes though so when I can find time and hook up with my imagination I will write. And that's a promise.

/Kurbits


End file.
